And the hits just keep coming

[willisurvive]

The sweet relief I felt two weeks ago when we first filed (ch 13) has left me and despair has returned. I so wanted it to last longer than it did.

We met with our attorney yesterday to go over our payment plan. Well it seems it will be in our best interest to let the house go and convert to a ch 7.

My income for the past six months does not show an accurate picture of what I am currently making, therefore making the payments seem impossible and even if we can get the trustee to consider current statements of income, we are asking ourselves, "Is it worth it?" We are $16000 in arrears on our mortgage due to job loss. Working now and can make the regular payment, but the catch up has proven to be difficult.

In the words of my DH, "If we have to get beat over the head with a baseball bat, better to be once than once every month for 36 months."

I am just at odds with myself. While logically it makes perfect financial sense to let the house go and rent something, I love where I live. I love our neighborhood. I love our location. I don't want to do this to our kiddos.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to vent. Thanks for listening.

[frogger]

Good luck.

[SMinGA]

Kids are tougher than we think - they'll be fine no matter what. Look at the financial picture and start window shopping rentals. See what the difference is, in terms of cost of renting vs. cost of keeping the house.

[wnguyen]

Hang in there, Willi. I understand the hardship and despair even though I don't have the house to let go. People grow accustomed to their place and so do you. Like you, my income for the past six months doesn't reflex accurately my current income, as I got $2250 bonus in March, and now the real danger of the IRA closed account probably add some more weight into it. Maybe I should blame myself in the first place.

In the mean time, just hang in there and try to make it last as long as you possibly can. Just take care of the little ones and your family first. Good luck.

[stormy]

I liked where I lived too but due to a divorce I moved out of the house; but the only kid I have at home was 17 so it wasn't that big a deal to her. In fact, she was glad I moved given the circumstances.

Kids adapt better then we think. Perhaps you could find something close to where you're at now; then it wouldn't be such a tough decision to move?

[willisurvive]

Thanks for the replies.

My daughter is very upset with me, but we did go driving around looking at a few rentals near where we live now and she was getting into it a little bit. I think the idea will grow on her as long as she is close to her friends. She's about to be 14 and so it is a tough enough time for her already.

My 11-year-old son is a different story. He was trying to find houses for us to rent. He is excited about moving on to something different. Change can be good is what he actually said to me earlier.

Of course they don't know the full extent of why we are doing this, but they understand it is to save money and do what is best for the family as a whole and we might all have to make a few sacrifices, however small they might be.

We have actually found houses that are bigger and better than ours for less than what our mortgage payment is. That makes it a lot easier. Who doesn't want bigger and better? We have been home owners for 10 years and the idea that we won't be is a little scary.

[Phil]

I went through Chapter 7 last year and I had every intention of keeping my home...The month after my bankruptcy was closed, my mortgage went up and my income went down by several hundred a month. I too didn't want to lose the house because I have two children as well, and didn't want them to be affected...so I kept fighting to pay it, but the truth was, me fighting to keep a house I really couldn't afford WAS affecting them. I tried so hard to keep them there that even after bankruptcy, I was struggling every month. The lightbulb went off (or on rather) and I realized it was crazy to go through bankruptcy and not be any better off. I found a rental and walked away from the house (did not reaffirm)...I haven't looked back. It was the best decision I have made. I found a nice rental, it is a new school district but the children have been amazing about it and they are still close enough to see their friends. About a month ago the air conditioner stopped working...if it had been my house, I wouldn't have been able to afford to fix it...Calling the landlord was an ahhhhhh moment, mentally positive compared to the stress it would have been to have stayed in my house. Stay positive, it will all work out!

[willisurvive]

I went through Chapter 7 last year and I had every intention of keeping my home...The month after my bankruptcy was closed, my mortgage went up and my income went down by several hundred a month. I too didn't want to lose the house because I have two children as well, and didn't want them to be affected...so I kept fighting to pay it, but the truth was, me fighting to keep a house I really couldn't afford WAS affecting them. I tried so hard to keep them there that even after bankruptcy, I was struggling every month. The lightbulb went off (or on rather) and I realized it was crazy to go through bankruptcy and not be any better off. I found a rental and walked away from the house (did not reaffirm)...I haven't looked back. It was the best decision I have made. I found a nice rental, it is a new school district but the children have been amazing about it and they are still close enough to see their friends. About a month ago the air conditioner stopped working...if it had been my house, I wouldn't have been able to afford to fix it...Calling the landlord was an ahhhhhh moment, mentally positive compared to the stress it would have been to have stayed in my house. Stay positive, it will all work out!

Thank you.

I have been reading a lot about people fighting to stay in their homes for whatever the reason and finally just saying enough is enough. This includes people who were working to get a mod and after a long period of time being strung out by the mtg co, finally being ready to be over it. I am starting to feel better about it. It's still not easy and the timing will make me crazy before it's all over with I'm sure.

My husband came to terms with this way before I did. Of course he is not emotionally attached and he knows logically that the kids will be fine. As a mother, this is a litlte more difficult. We want to protect our kids from the hard realities of life as much as we can or at least ease them into it. Dads find it easier to do what is best and deal with it. At least that is what I think.

[doudis2]

We have been home owners for 10 years and the idea that we won't be is a little scary.

Maybe this will help put things in perspective a bit. You have not been a home owner for 10 years, you have been a mortgage owner for 10 years.

Something else; I bet if you look real close at your mortgage (especially with the recent bad luck of going so far in the arrears), you will see that you really have been renting all along. Do the math.

I'm not being a smart A, just realistic. I too am a "home owner" for the past 11.5 years. The result; the house I bought for $129,900 now has a mortgage of $235,900 on it. I did a lot of refi's (DUMB!). The home is worth about $130,000 (about what I paid for it in 1998). The pool needs resurfaced (a few thousand). The roof needs to be replaced (a few more); I could go on.

Home ownership is a great financial idea if all goes as planned, but if you get behind then stuff breaks and you lose a job.... well you know what happened.

As for me I am walking away, I already bought a piece of land and put a used mobile on it. The land will be paid off in a few years and I will be debt free. Sure I want a nicer place and I may build later, but I am no longer a slave to the idea that being a "home owner" makes me happy.

Best of luck to you!

[researchnerd]

We were in a similar situation earlier this year. After DH got laid off, we tried to keep our house as long as possible, and burned through our savings and lived on CCs to keep paying the mortgage. 2 years later we bottomed out and realized it was a bad business decision. In addition to the mortgage we could no longer afford, we were underwater by $80k and had a lot of needed repairs. It was time to walk.

Just because you know something is the right thing to do doesn't make it easier emotionally, though. I truly loved that house and the property, loved the location, and had envisioned us retiring there. But like you, we looked around and learned that we could rent a newer, nicer home in the same school district for less than half what we were paying for the mortgage (half!), and after that it made no sense to stay.

DS (age 17) was initially not thrilled at the prospect of moving, but he understood why. We involved him in the house-hunting process as much as possible, listened to his opinions, and let him help us choose the house. Then we gave him his choice of bedrooms and painted it in the color he selected. Now he likes the new house better, and although it's further from his friends, he still goes to the same school. He's adjusted.

I still have sad moments, especially when I drive by the house that we put so much love and work into, and see it overgrown, empty and neglected. But on the other hand, as Phil mentioned, we had a plumbing problem at the new place and the landlord fixed it immediately...and it was free!

[willisurvive]

You make an excellent point. Homeownership is definitely overrated these days.

I found a house today that is a FSBO and I emailed them to see if they would consider leasing it long term. They said they are considering it, so now I am praying what they want will be what I can afford. We did not discuss price, bc they hadn't decided yet if this was something they wanted to do. I really like the house and it would make this a whole lot less painful if I could get into it.

Thanks for the insight.

Maybe this will help put things in perspective a bit. You have not been a home owner for 10 years, you have been a mortgage owner for 10 years.

Something else; I bet if you look real close at your mortgage (especially with the recent bad luck of going so far in the arrears), you will see that you really have been renting all along. Do the math.

I'm not being a smart A, just realistic. I too am a "home owner" for the past 11.5 years. The result; the house I bought for $129,900 now has a mortgage of $235,900 on it. I did a lot of refi's (DUMB!). The home is worth about $130,000 (about what I paid for it in 1998). The pool needs resurfaced (a few thousand). The roof needs to be replaced (a few more); I could go on.

Home ownership is a great financial idea if all goes as planned, but if you get behind then stuff breaks and you lose a job.... well you know what happened.

As for me I am walking away, I already bought a piece of land and put a used mobile on it. The land will be paid off in a few years and I will be debt free. Sure I want a nicer place and I may build later, but I am no longer a slave to the idea that being a "home owner" makes me happy.

Best of luck to you!

[willisurvive]

We were in a similar situation earlier this year. After DH got laid off, we tried to keep our house as long as possible, and burned through our savings and lived on CCs to keep paying the mortgage. 2 years later we bottomed out and realized it was a bad business decision. In addition to the mortgage we could no longer afford, we were underwater by $80k and had a lot of needed repairs. It was time to walk.

Just because you know something is the right thing to do doesn't make it easier emotionally, though. I truly loved that house and the property, loved the location, and had envisioned us retiring there. But like you, we looked around and learned that we could rent a newer, nicer home in the same school district for less than half what we were paying for the mortgage (half!), and after that it made no sense to stay.

DS (age 17) was initially not thrilled at the prospect of moving, but he understood why. We involved him in the house-hunting process as much as possible, listened to his opinions, and let him help us choose the house. Then we gave him his choice of bedrooms and painted it in the color he selected. Now he likes the new house better, and although it's further from his friends, he still goes to the same school. He's adjusted.

I still have sad moments, especially when I drive by the house that we put so much love and work into, and see it overgrown, empty and neglected. But on the other hand, as Phil mentioned, we had a plumbing problem at the new place and the landlord fixed it immediately...and it was free!

Thanks for reminding me that it will all be okay in the end. The point is to be better off and I'll do whatever it takes.

[OhioFiler]

You make an excellent point. Homeownership is definitely overrated these days.

I found a house today that is a FSBO and I emailed them to see if they would consider leasing it long term. They said they are considering it, so now I am praying what they want will be what I can afford. We did not discuss price, bc they hadn't decided yet if this was something they wanted to do. I really like the house and it would make this a whole lot less painful if I could get into it.

Thanks for the insight.

None of the process of filing bankruptcy should involve emotion. The reasonable thing to do is consider the financially correct move.

If you have a significant amount of equity that can be exempted and the mortgage payments and upkeep costs fit your post-bk budget you should consider keeping the home.

If you want to keep the home because Susie loves living next to Annie or because you can't part with the pool you swim in every day the decision to keep it is based on the wrong reasons.

Every choice during bankruptcy must be a financial decision.

[researchnerd]

None of the process of filing bankruptcy should involve emotion. The reasonable thing to do is consider the financially correct move.

If you have a significant amount of equity that can be exempted and the mortgage payments and upkeep costs fit your post-bk budget you should consider keeping the home.

If you want to keep the home because Susie loves living next to Annie or because you can't part with the pool you swim in every day the decision to keep it is based on the wrong reasons.

Every choice during bankruptcy must be a financial decision.

+1 - excellent point!

I think this is part of what makes these choices so difficult. It takes serious work to separate emotion from logic when it comes to people's homes and finances. We made the mistake of acting on emotion (but we love this house!) for 2 years, and ultimately screwed ourselves in the process.

[tobee43]

willisurvive ....i hear you loud and clear...we were in our home for over 33 years...raised r children there....were left homeless after having this beautiful 4k sq foot home that we were never late with a payment in the 33 years we owned it...until we were told by the banktruptcy atty to stop payments....

when we went in for the loan mod...the bank rep...just looked at me in the eye and said..."home is where the heart is"....i knew then we would no longer live in our house that we built up from a tiny little place and now it was the home of my dreams...

well...that was 9 months ago, and what i didn't realize is how much that home was killing us with the up keep...the inflated amount of the housing market and turned the home into a negative equity product...what a mess..

as long as you have those that you love and love you, your health...and even a borrowed roof (as we do now)...you have to know you aren't alone...and just see the cup half full...one becomes humbled and grateful for the small things...remember they are ONLY things.....just THINGS....