Bk and our Church

[bkadv]

Ok, here goes an issue that I'm not sure just what to think about.....We filed bk in Sept. last year. Just this Sunday our pastor approached my husband and told him that one of the members had left the church because he saw we had filed bk in the newspaper. He also asked my husband did he think it was the right thing to do. I'm stunned by these remarks, and just plain confused. What does everyone think of these remarks? It's made me very sad again. Bk is a traumatizing experience for anyone, then something like this has to happen.

[cpw111]

I would be stunned too. Who cares about the member that left but more suprising is what the pastor said. I would seriously reconsider what church I attend after that remark.

[bkadv]

This Church is a small one where everyone knows each other. Now I'm assuming that everyone knows we filed bk. Just seems to be so much stigma attached with Bk. Even after it's over, is it really ever over?

[alh]

It can be a difficult situation. There was a book out a few years ago with the title "Why do Christians shoot their wounded" I'm not sure what type of church you attend, but the same idea applies I think.

I think if someone where to go out and run up a lot of debts with no intention of paying, there would be an issue. Most of the time that is not what happens. People get into bankruptcy because of situations that are not in their control (job loss, and medical bills are two big ones)

If someone left a church because someone else filed for bankruptcy then they weren't there for the right reasons. Remember that Jesus saved his harshest works for the most religious people (the Pharisees)

Small churches are tough in that regard (been there), but use your situation to help others. You may not be able to now, but you will have an opportunity at some point to help someone because you have a perspective on things they won't.

Just some thoughts.

[keepmine]

It's over if you want it to be over.
Quit agonizing and thinking you need to offer explanations. Personally, I'd have told the minister that bk is a legal process spelled out in the U.S. code and nowhere in the code does it require pastorial counseling.
I'd find me another church.

[keepmine]

You may not be able to now, but you will have an opportunity at some point to help someone because you have a perspective on things they won't.

An excellent point ALH!
But, you don't have to wait to help others. Many of us have our bk's discharged and the reason we hang out here and other sites is to help others that are going down this road. Plus, you meet some very nice people as well!

[annikasaunt]

I have filed for my own sake, not the sake of anybody else! I am so past the point of caring what others think about me or what I do.

Take care of yourselves and don't worry about what others are saying. If you know you are doing what you need to do, then so be it. You are not hurting anybody by filing Bk.

I wasn't even aware that this type of thing is actually posted anywhere for the public to see! Is it something that is actually posted in a newspaper or something?

Why were these people looking anyway, probably needed a reason to stop going to the church and you were it!

[cpw111]

BK filings can be publicly posted for everyone to see but most of your bigger cities newspapers dont waste space in posting people BK's . Smaller newspapers are different. That is probably one of their most read sections. In PACER you can look at anyones BK as long as you know how to search for it b/c it is public information.

I agree that the so called church member that stopped going b/c you filed BK was going for the wrong reasons. They were looking for an excuse not to go and used you. But what is even more pathetic is the pastor telling you this.

[bkadv]

Thanks everyone for the points of views, and support. I really needed it today! I thought I too was past the point of caring what someone said until this came about. Really caused me to stop and think, and I'm sure it won't leave me as quickly as some things do.

[jane taylor]

As a Christian it saddens me to hear about your pastor and fellow parishioner acting that way!! We do tend to "shoot our wounded" and it is plain wrong!! No human has any right to judge someone else. None of us would be here by choice but are using our experiences to help others.

I'm very sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect. Keep your chin up and try not to worry about what others think. I know it's hard!

[bkadv]

Come Sunday I'm thinking I may need to look for another Church. My husband is a little more apt than me to overlook the comments, so here we go as a divided family. I'm sure that's not God would want to happen here. I just don't know that I can continue on at this Church. Everything has been too much for me to handle anyway over the past six months, then this...

[SinkingFast]

We know a couple who filed years ago. Then they moved because of the guy's work.

When they got into their new Church, they were very active. The guy was an electrician and he took on lots of remodel work for the Church. She taught VBS and Sunday School. They weren't trying to hide anything, just not telling everything about themselves. It was nice.

Then one day it came out. She doesn't even remember how. That they'd filed BK in the past. Didn't upset anyone at the Church. Someone came up to them at one point and said, "We've all got our skeletons in the closet. God knows each one of us and loves us all."

And that was it. Nothing was ever said, out loud, again. No one ever treated them any different either.

Sometimes Churchs are full of hypcrits. Sometimes Churches are mostly filled with true believers. Some Pastors tend to be hypocrits. Some pastors really are true Believers.

[edwards2]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Somehow we think we are protected in the sanctity of the Church but evidently that is not the case. For someone to sit in judgement of you is not very Christian and I dont understand why your pastor felt compelled to tell you about it. Frankly that isnt very Christian either. When you tell someone something you obviously have an intent so in my opinion, the pastor should not have said anything. I would look for another church not to much because of the church member but the pastor. Who cares what that person thinks..its back to the judgemental think again. Who has the right to sit in judgement of anyone, and how Christian is that to assume because someone filed BK that they are a low life trying to get out of paying their debts? Those are not values I ascribe to.

[tired_of_debt]

Christian charity???

your post gives new meaning to what organized religion SHOULD NOT BE. Says in the Bible, "Judge not that ye be not judged." The "member" (and I use that term really loosely because of his/her obvious lack of commitment) obviously needs to be somewhere else. The pastor is way out of line. Bad things happen to good people. Happens all the time, every day. My granddaughter was born with a hole in her heart to my daughter who has never smoked or done drugs or anything that would cause a fluke and followed her doctor's instructions to the letter. Bad thing...innocent child, good person (child's mother). I have long had to fight my way through every step of my life and it makes me rebel red (says the Tennessee girl) to hear such utterly disgusting and unwarranted passage of judgment from folks who are allegedly Christian. Christ healed lepers. Those folks need to get a grip and remember..."what goes around comes around...."

There is enough stigma attached to the bankruptcy thing and a fresh start is on the horizon. Go with the fresh start, embrace your family and toss aside the comments of those who have neither the understanding of your situation nor the compassion that is a basic human component.

*Boy I AM mad.*

[13inOR]

I agree--your fellow parishioner was ridiculous to be stumbled by something like that and it was even more despicable for your pastor to mention it to you--I mean really, what purpose did it serve to tell you at that point?

I am a Christian and take my reputation in my congregation and the community very seriously, and it was not an easy decision to file chapter 13.
However, sometimes bad things happen to good people, and God knows our
hearts and our situation, and nothing else really matters.