emotional aspect of BR....BR remorse....

[catlfuzzy]

Today is the day, the button will be pressed. Finally.

Just wondering if it is normal to have a bit of remorse. I mean, no remorse in having to file, as there *simply.was.no.other.option*; but..

Here I am mid 40s, supposed to be well on the road to retirement savings, and I went from 780 fico...to this. Will be mid 50s when this is all off my record. Just a big disapointment. *queue the violins*

So..did anyone go through a bit of pity party/disgust, too? I'll get over it.

Cheers!

[TheBajan]

Most certainly. My identity was wrapped up in how I handled our finances. I'm in my mid-40's... always took pride in keeping meticulous financial records. I took pride in "beating" the credit card system. For over 20 years I used cc to our advantage. I never, not one time made a late payment and I always paid my balance in full every month. Every loan I ever took out was paid off early. We bought and sold several properties with cash. I trades stocks and made money doing it. I could tell you within $5 on any given day exactly what my net worth was. When we built the house we currently live in, within the first 3 years we paid over $100k down in the principle through extra payments(that was wasted money).

When everything started to collapse around us, I felt like an utter failure. The first time I could no longer make an additional payment toward my mortgage, I went bankrupt emotionally. As things got worse and worse, I finally had to face the fact that we would have to file. That realization nearly took everything from me. I lost faith in myself, and in my husband. It nearly cost us our marriage. I still remember the day I "realized" I needed to be ready to take care of myself. I still remember the day I realized there was no turning back, we were definitely traveling down the road to bankruptcy. I still remember emotionally giving up. I remember when the budget no longer worked because we were so upside-down in our income to expenses.

Yes... this is a VERY emotional ride. I am so grateful for this forum. The people here are an awesome group of people. Not just to answer question about the process but even more important to me has been the emotional support. Just knowing I'm not alone is enough to help me make it through this. I no longer consider myself a failure. I recognize and accept my role in bringing us to a point of filing. However, I also recognize everything else that brought us here.

Cheers... you're gonna make it through this!

The Bajan

[Pjmax]

Personally, I understand what you are feeling, and I think it's okay to feel sorry for yourself . . . for about 5 minutes. Then you just have to say to yourself, okay I just took the first step in getting my life in order, now onto the next step.

Life in this economy is (and probably won't be again) what we've been used to. We have to get creative and find new ways of dealing with our finances, jobs and way of life. If you've read through many of the posts here, I'm sure you've found many of us dealing with the same things. Mid-40's, 50's, 60's (me), wondering what the heck did I do wrong (mistakes along the way notwithstanding, we've all made some.) Good education, good jobs, good retirement planning; and now it all seems it amounts to nothing. Totally not true. A tree is blocking the road and you have to alter your course. You didn't cause the tree to fall.

No regrets at filing BK here, still no job, back in school finishing my degree, unemployment income is done, and I'm starting over. I do wish I had filed sooner and started back to school sooner. I felt sorry for myself for waaay longer than my allotted 5 minutes.

Congratulations on taking the first step, you'll be on to step two in no time, whatever that may be for you.

[Pjmax]

Yes, yes, yes to everything Bajan said!

[pamkev]

Everything Bajan said and more.

[catlfuzzy]

Thanks to all....nice to hear other's perspectives. For me, this had nothing to do with the economy. I lost my partner and mother at the same time...and apparently dealt with that by running up credit, like I was a mad man. It was all my doing.

Onward and upward I suppose....

[pamkev]

Thanks to all....nice to hear other's perspectives. For me, this had nothing to do with the economy. I lost my partner and mother at the same time...and apparently dealt with that by running up credit, like I was a mad man. It was all my doing.

Onward and upward I suppose....

We all deal with grief in different ways so don't beat yourself up. We are all human and make choices we wish we hadn't, as long as your learn from them and see this as a fresh start. Please know we are here for you. This board has been a life saver for me. Pam

[Pjmax]

I'm so sorry for your loss Catlfuzzy! My heart and thoughts are with you.

[tobee43]

catlfuzzy,

(first ditto what bajan wrote for most of us) and more.

the guilt the shame of it all, it also put a strain on our relationship. we had to leave a home we had over 30 years ( looking back the BEST thing that ever happen to us, of course not at the time). leaving with a truck with our things in the middle of night like criminals. living "underground" for 2 years, no one knowing other than some immediate family where we were.

i have to say, at some point it became kinda fun LOL!! ( i know that sounds bad). but after the guilt and shame wore off our eyes opened to a new start. now we own a new home which will be paid off by next year or before. we are going to st marteen for thanksgiving and i don't feel guilty at all. (our first big time away since the big C hit this house again! whopppppppeee!) it's been a hard road full of illness and loss of everything, but we are blessed with everyday being a new day to begin again, always finding something to be happy about!

you will be fine although it doesn't feel that way now. each day will be better promise!

[stray]

Very sorry for your loss catlfuzzy. Must be very difficult. You are not alone here, as I'm sure you can tell by everyone's posts.

I'm the only one in my family to file, so I felt like a complete loser. The more I stepped outside of my family and found smart, kind, hardworking people that chose BK, the more normal I felt. It's great that you are here. The personal experiences and expertise on this forum are invaluable.

You are taking the right step, yes, it is a big one, but it's right and you are not alone.

[TheBajan]

Thanks to all....nice to hear other's perspectives. For me, this had nothing to do with the economy. I lost my partner and mother at the same time...and apparently dealt with that by running up credit, like I was a mad man. It was all my doing.

Onward and upward I suppose....

Catfuzzy,

I am sooo very sorry for you loss! We are all here and there are so many people that care. Many thoughts, prayers, and good wishes go out to you tonight.

The Bajan

[mslaw]

Yes I think that's normal. We were in a terrible pickle but I still had tons of regret. I hated that we had to file. We felt trapped in a house we would never get paid off, that was under water and was falling apart. We were literally afraid it would slide over the hill we lived on. And we couldn't sell it. We were going to end up foreclosing and then have a residual deficit to pay that we couldn't. A mess.

I think for me, we are now renting and in a much better house but I hate that we don't own anything. I also hate that this will be on our credit so long. I also have social worries. Like what all our friends (our closest friends we told but I mean others that we know, hang out with but aren't close to) find out. I worry we will be shunned. It's a small town here.

But after it all, it was needed and worth it. We needed a fresh start. Good luck to you and your fresh start!!

[AngelinaCat]

I don't believe that I have the wisdom that can add to or top any of the other posts in this thread.

You are warmly welcomed into this virtual Family.

[overthedebt2]

I don't believe that I have the wisdom that can add to or top any of the other posts in this thread.

You are warmly welcomed into this virtual Family.

I second what Angelina said. Know that you are not the only one. Most people we know (friends, family) don't go around broadcasting their financial woes but you certainly aren't alone. None of us are perfect and this is just another chapter in the book of life. This too shall pass. Learn from this and move forward with a positive outlook. Otherwise, the bankruptcy will be robbing you of happiness. Life is too short for that.