How do I not be emotional about losing the house?

[kellysmum]

Thanks for the replies. I'm starting to feel a little better. Any more suggestions on how to handle the four dogs problem, besides paring down the herd?

[kawh]

Totally understand, it's just a house but it's been your place, and not having it sucks.

A large deposit can solve a lot of problems, but you may find a majority of landlords won't even consider 4 dogs.

I hid a couple of "extra" cats from an apartment landlord for two years, and it wasn't easy, I was always afraid they'd be discovered and we'd be thrown out, but there wasn't any way I was giving up any of my babies. But I'd started out with only two, so it was honest in the beginning...

So here's what I would do, just my take on it. Knowing I would be responsible financially for any and all damages, I would admit to two dogs, not four, especially if the dogs are truly small. If they are crate trained, that will be easier.

I am just concerned that admitting to four dogs will make it too hard on you, when you just need to get a handle on what kind of market you're dealing with. If it's a house you decide you want, finally, and the landlord seems flexible, you can decide how to go from that point, but you need to be able to get a look at some houses to know what you can get, for what price. If you say "four little dogs" at the very start, I'm afraid you won't get the chance to look at very many.

[LadyInTheRed]

LOL, JB. It looks like I'm following you around today!

[LadyInTheRed]

I don't think anybody can be expected to not be emotional about losing a house they expected to call "home" long term. It is the decision whether to let the house go that needs to be made without emotions.

So, put the emotion aside, look at the facts of the situation and make a decision. If you can't afford your home, you can't afford it. If you also can't afford rents in the area, perhaps you can't afford to live in the area. Changing schools isn't easy for a kid, but it isn't the end of the world. Having parents who aren't constantlly stressed about how they are going to pay the rent or mortgage and put food on the table is more important than what school district a child lives in. Offer an extra deposit to potential landlords to get them to accept the dogs. It may be difficult, but you'll eventually find someone willing to rent to you. You need to make a decision about where you can afford to live before the decision is made for you. A relocation will be easier for everyone involved if you do it while you are still the one in control instead of the bank or whoever buys the house in a foreclosure sale. But, don't move too soon. You may be able to live in the house for free for several months while you wait for the bank to foreclose. That will help save for that 4-dog deposit.

Once the decision is made, if the decision is that you have to leave, hopefully the knowledge that you are making the right long-term decision for your family will help a little with the emotion. But, you also have to acknowledge and allow yourself to experience the emotions before you dust yourself off and move on.

At the risk of sounding cliche, don't ever forget that home is where the heart is/

[justbroke]

Well, it appears you have started to remove the attachment already by calling it a house, and not a home. Home is where you build it. Yes, it will be tough to try to keep life all together, as if nothing changed but your address, but you must also come to some realities. The first reality is that you are insolvent and you need to file bankruptcy; looks like you're okay there! The second is that life is probably going to change. The third is that your "home" may need to move into a new dwelling.

Bankruptcy and foreclosure can be emotional and I would be a fool to tell you that it won't affect you emotionally. However, you need to be forward thinking. Rather than wonder just "how" am I going to find a dwelling to house us all and is in the same district and is large and is... start listing the things in order of importance. When you connect all those "wants" with the word "and", then you have already limited yourself and making it even more emotional, rather than a more rational, reasonable and/or business decision.

If you really want to have a place that fits 4 dogs and people, you may not be in the most desirable house in the most desirable section of your daughter's school district. If you want to include all those requirements in your decision, then you have much more work cut out for you. That work does not start by posting on line what you believe you can't do, but starts with finding ways to make it happen. That may mean scouring Criagslist as well as Realtor listings for homes that accept pets.

Remember, the "house" doesn't make it the "home"... you do. Even with all I have stated about taking charge of the situation, you should know that things will change. The less you fight change, the easier it is to accept.

[kellysmum]

I know I'm supposed to remove all the emotion from this process and that this should be a purely financial decision, but I am freaking out right now about losing our house. We're being foreclosed upon and are filing Ch. 7. We have an 11-year-old daughter and four little dogs that are all our children. How will we ever find a place to rent in our daughter's school district that we can afford that will let us have four dogs? And how can we leave this house that's been our home for over seven years? Can anyone offer rational thoughts to calm me down? Thank you.
C.