embarrassment of foreclosure

[techguy74]

How long does it take to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure? My foreclosure is final and the cleanup crew has come to the house and thrown everything in the driveway.

I still have to drive through the neighborhood to bring my child to daycare. I think at this point all of my neighbors know what has happened.

How long did it take everyone to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure?

[drowning123]

When mine happens, I could care less what people think. I guess it comes down to our personalities. I haven't had my foreclosure yet, but I'm pretty sure that there'll be no embarrassment for me. I already told a neighbor cuz he and I are struggling. I can't wait to move. I hate the house anyway, but I'll stay there long enough to save up as much money possible.

[BKlooker]

It's no one's business but your own anyway. You are not the only person in the country going through a foreclosure....it's way rampant right now....in my parent's old neighborhood, literally every other house on the block is on the auction block (they paid their home off years ago, thank God). There are many places where the foreclosure lot is more overstocked then the owner-for-sale lot. It's only as tramatizing as you make it in the end. I think most people (of the middle or lower class anyway) understand that with unemployment so high, and healthcare expenses alone eating away at everyone's pockets, it's hard all over.

And I mean...people are going to find something to talk about you for anyway. If someone confronted me on my up-coming foreclosure, I would tell them where they could go.....

Anyone who would do anything but feel bad for you and/or try to help you out isn't someone you need in your life or need to worry about. In 5-7 years from now, you will probably be more financially stable than the people judging, so joke is on them

[Pandora]

how long? Well - that depends on how long you decide to allow it to. If you decide to let it "shame" you, then you'll never be able to hold your head up and meet people eye to eye, so to speak.

Do not let it control you - as my dad used to say "s**T happens and life goes on..."

Hang in there!

[drowning123]

"Anyone who would do anything but feel bad for you and/or try to help you out isn't someone you need in your life or need to worry about. In 5-7 years from now, you will probably be more financially stable than the people judging, so joke is on them ."

Well said BKlooker.

[frogger]

how long? Well - that depends on how long you decide to allow it to.

That is the correct answer. You need to allow yourself to get over it.

Shhhhhhh it happens.

[Peeps]

Whatever your situation, there are plenty of people who will look at your property and know they're a lot closer to the same possibility than they might let on. Odds are, there are several people in your neighborhood who are in similar situation. And even higher odds that there are even more people in the neighborhood that are struggling financially... the possibility of losing their own homes has crossed their minds at some point or another.

You're choosing to view this as a situation of embarrassment when it's very possible that compassion, understanding, and concern for your welfare are on the minds of your neighbors. Given today's economic climate I doubt very many are judging you (glass houses... rocks... you know).

I have a neighbor that is facing foreclosure right now. He has been very open and honest about it. The neighborhood has responded very positively and everyone who knows about the situation is rooting for him. They're all offering up ideas and resources to help him. And we're not talking about a normally-friendly neighborhood, here. If things don't go well, you can be sure a lot of people here are going to feel pretty bad that he lost the battle. No one will be critical because everyone knows how hard it has been. I just offer up the story to show that people (sometimes the ones that you least suspect) DO understand.

Hold your head high. You did what you had to do. There's nothing wrong with moving on.

[researchnerd]

IMO, the shame of foreclosure is related to the cultural ideal of home ownership as a sign of success. When we've achieved that and then lost it, it feels like everyone knows and holds it against you. In reality, as others have said here about bankruptcy -- anyone who matters doesn't think less of you, and anyone who thinks less of you doesn't matter.

"Owning" your home is a vigorously-perpetuated myth for anyone who doesn't buy their home outright, because the bank owns it until it's paid off -- and even then, some argue that the government owns it because they can take it away if you don't pay your taxes. I'm reading an interesting book right now called Our Lot: How Real Estate Came To Own Us, which goes into detail about the how the home ownership ideal was consciously created (it didn't happen accidentally). As recently as the 1930s, having a mortgage was a shameful thing, and they typically lasted only 3-5 years. But since then, the government and the banks have colluded with each other to make home ownership via longterm mortgage the American Dream -- which of course they all profit on greatly -- and we've come to regard it as the normal, ideal situation. In reality, in current times, it is not a financially responsible path for many, many people. Knowing the history behind it, and the messages we've been intentionally fed about what we should value, has helped me get a better perspective on my own foreclosure.

[helpme2010]

I hate my neighbors and a couple of them are very nosey types. I do not look forward to packing and moving, as i'm sure they will be spying on me. The lady across the street is like Gladdis Cravis on Bewitched. So I will try to block her view as much as possible with my low hanging branches from my tree, and maybe even a sheet between the truck and my garage.

My gf wants to keep checking the house each week to see if any of her packages don't get forwarded to our new location and I am dredding this as I don't ever want to see my neighbors again.

So let it go. Remember, these people aren't there to help you when you ran into problems, so the heck with them. People will gossip not only about you, but everyone else they can as well, so don't even worry about it anymore. Plus more and more people are going bk, foreclosure, and bad credit problems.

[tobee43]

How long does it take to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure? My foreclosure is final and the cleanup crew has come to the house and thrown everything in the driveway.

I still have to drive through the neighborhood to bring my child to daycare. I think at this point all of my neighbors know what has happened.

How long did it take everyone to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure?

like pandora says...it's how long you allow it to continue yourself.

i so understand how difficult this is, we also left our home...it will pass....just be thankful for your beautiful kids, food on the table and all the other wonderments of life we can be thankful for.....and forget those neigbors....just think happy positive thoughts and leave the rest behind you. love forward...never back, we can't change it, so there is no need to stress over it.

you will be fine...head up...eyes forward and think about what your cooking for dinner...

[techguy74]

Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement.. I guess we all go through that point in our lives where we all say, "that could never happen to me". I guess the toughest thing for me is, one of my co-workers lives in the neighborhood, and boy does he like to talk... I have no problem with the neighbors knowing, I just don't this to follow me into the office because of his loose lips.

[lblanchette]

Just remember, what comes around goes around. You know what I do if I were in your position, I woudl tell the people at work first. Then you don't have to worry about it. No big deal. There are even plenty of people who can afford their homes walking away from their's. I had to relocate across the country so that we could find jobs. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. My job let me go after 9 years. At the time it hurt, because I didn't want to loose my house.

Well now, after the house and cars are gone, we are so much better off....

[ryan]

I seriously doubt a single neighbor knows I'm in FC....and since they are the most unfriendly bunch I have ever lived near, I could care less whether they know or not. ...and can say with confidence, I will have NO embarrassment over it. None.
I do not allow myself to think those kinds of thoughts.

[debee]

There is one small blessing in the mix (that I can think of) when everyone knows what's happening and that's freedom from pretense. It is what it is and when you have to wear that fact all over town, it does free you from having to pretend to have a perfect life. There's humility in it, but not humiliation.

[BKlooker]

One of my coworkers told us (people in my department, which is small, only 4 of us) that she was losing her home (like me, the rates reset) about 2 months ago. She was in tears about it. Once she left the room after telling us, my boss, myself, and my coworkers decided we would try to help her out by getting her youngest son some new toys and flashcards for the holidays (has has a reading disability, so she needs a lot of flashcards and interactive things for him). This way, she could give it to him herself and not worry about buying it for him this year.

Another coworker brought her in a $50 gift certificate to the Giant Food Market, because her husband works there as the head store manager and said it was the least we could do to help out, and that should help with cooking Christmas dinner, at least a little bit.

So yea, you would be suprised how caring people can be. We all knew how hard a worker she has been over the years and helped us all out at one time or another, so we felt obligated to help her during her hard times. She was so happy to get all this (we gave it to her just this past week), she was speechless. "I never expected this from my coworkers...you guys treat me like family!" she said, and promptly started crying again.

We now ask her if she is having luck finding a new place and if she needs help moving anytime soon to let us know, as one of my other coworker's has a boyfriend who works for a moving company who said she would get him to cut her a nice deal. People really can suprise you!