embarrassment of foreclosure

[Billssuck]

My foreclosure hasn't started yet but I expect something anyday (no payments made since May 2010). Anyway, I go back and forth about the embarrasment thing and it seems the pendelum is swinging more towards the thought process that my pending foreclosure is now a financial decision that is best for my future. When I think about the MANY things that led to this happening and all the many things I did for about 4 years to keep the house (i.e. selling cars, tractors, furniture, working 3 jobs, etc) and it still not being enough especially after my husband lost his job, I can look in the mirror and know that I tried my best to do what I could but with the economy and some health factors also thrown in, it wasn't gonna happen. With that said, and with this thinking process, I am getting a better perspective every day. I really believe most people will understand way more than we give them credit for; for those who don't, I think I don't need them in my life anyway.

[techguy74]

wow, I never expected this kind of feedback from so many..... It is sad knowing that so many have gone through this, but happy to know that that many more have survived it and thrived. Thank you to EVERYONE who responded with advice and their thoughts...

[helpme2010]

actually....hate to say, our neighbors were such terrible excuse for humans....actually they were snakes....so we were so glad to leave...and we left the state and never even looked behind even tho we were in the house for 33 years...i'm with you...best thing ever!!!

tobee, do we have the same neighbors? I can hardly wait to leave this area.

[screentest]

Not embarrassed at all about whats happening with my house or neighborhood. Frankly, I could care less what anyone thinks. Neighbors are going to talk crap about you no matter what your dong so who cares! Important part is ...how do you feel about yourself.....nothing else matters.

[bladerunner]

NO one should feel bad about a foreclosure. We have tried in every way to save our home, but because we are over 125% underwater, the home is not worth , the headache, the blood, our less and less working years and our health. Honestly, since I live in foreclosure city (Vegas) six of my neighbors are foreclosing and we are supporting one another with timelines, notices, what to expect, and Arizona Professor Brent White's( WSJ online has oodles of his info) writings on the reason a person should walk away...sometimes joyously from an underwater home...

good luck everyone...

[discouraged]

I was/am very open with my close neighbors and they said - We don't want you to leave!" I just chuckle and said, HMMM - you want me to stay enough to pay my mortgage, because I can't do it anymore.

Except for one new family that moved into a Section 8 house on our street, my neighbors have been great. With that one you have to watch your mailbox and bolt everything down in the yard.

I don't feel like an "only" because it is happening to a lot of folks, not just me. A person has to do what they have to do to survive and if your nosy ex-neighbors don't understand that, it is not your problem, it is their's. Hold your head up high - you have done nothing wrong.

Oh, and no, my neighbors didn't want to go so far as to pay my mortgage. LOL.

[tobee43]

actually....hate to say, our neighbors were such terrible excuse for humans....actually they were snakes....so we were so glad to leave...and we left the state and never even looked behind even tho we were in the house for 33 years...i'm with you...best thing ever!!!

[bulletproof77]

Embarrassed ? Not at all...smartest financial move I ever made. Who cares what my former neighbors think ? Holding on to upside down properties that they will NEVER recover from in a declining area, who is smarter ? I don't hold my self responsible for the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. I did what I HAD TO DO to survive, I could give a damn what other people think.

[drowning123]

Such a touching story. Thanks for sharing.

[BKlooker]

One of my coworkers told us (people in my department, which is small, only 4 of us) that she was losing her home (like me, the rates reset) about 2 months ago. She was in tears about it. Once she left the room after telling us, my boss, myself, and my coworkers decided we would try to help her out by getting her youngest son some new toys and flashcards for the holidays (has has a reading disability, so she needs a lot of flashcards and interactive things for him). This way, she could give it to him herself and not worry about buying it for him this year.

Another coworker brought her in a $50 gift certificate to the Giant Food Market, because her husband works there as the head store manager and said it was the least we could do to help out, and that should help with cooking Christmas dinner, at least a little bit.

So yea, you would be suprised how caring people can be. We all knew how hard a worker she has been over the years and helped us all out at one time or another, so we felt obligated to help her during her hard times. She was so happy to get all this (we gave it to her just this past week), she was speechless. "I never expected this from my coworkers...you guys treat me like family!" she said, and promptly started crying again.

We now ask her if she is having luck finding a new place and if she needs help moving anytime soon to let us know, as one of my other coworker's has a boyfriend who works for a moving company who said she would get him to cut her a nice deal. People really can suprise you!

[debee]

There is one small blessing in the mix (that I can think of) when everyone knows what's happening and that's freedom from pretense. It is what it is and when you have to wear that fact all over town, it does free you from having to pretend to have a perfect life. There's humility in it, but not humiliation.

[ryan]

I seriously doubt a single neighbor knows I'm in FC....and since they are the most unfriendly bunch I have ever lived near, I could care less whether they know or not. ...and can say with confidence, I will have NO embarrassment over it. None.
I do not allow myself to think those kinds of thoughts.

[lblanchette]

Just remember, what comes around goes around. You know what I do if I were in your position, I woudl tell the people at work first. Then you don't have to worry about it. No big deal. There are even plenty of people who can afford their homes walking away from their's. I had to relocate across the country so that we could find jobs. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. My job let me go after 9 years. At the time it hurt, because I didn't want to loose my house.

Well now, after the house and cars are gone, we are so much better off....

[techguy74]

Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement.. I guess we all go through that point in our lives where we all say, "that could never happen to me". I guess the toughest thing for me is, one of my co-workers lives in the neighborhood, and boy does he like to talk... I have no problem with the neighbors knowing, I just don't this to follow me into the office because of his loose lips.

[tobee43]

How long does it take to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure? My foreclosure is final and the cleanup crew has come to the house and thrown everything in the driveway.

I still have to drive through the neighborhood to bring my child to daycare. I think at this point all of my neighbors know what has happened.

How long did it take everyone to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure?

like pandora says...it's how long you allow it to continue yourself.

i so understand how difficult this is, we also left our home...it will pass....just be thankful for your beautiful kids, food on the table and all the other wonderments of life we can be thankful for.....and forget those neigbors....just think happy positive thoughts and leave the rest behind you. love forward...never back, we can't change it, so there is no need to stress over it.

you will be fine...head up...eyes forward and think about what your cooking for dinner...