embarrassment of foreclosure

[helpme2010]

I hate my neighbors and a couple of them are very nosey types. I do not look forward to packing and moving, as i'm sure they will be spying on me. The lady across the street is like Gladdis Cravis on Bewitched. So I will try to block her view as much as possible with my low hanging branches from my tree, and maybe even a sheet between the truck and my garage.

My gf wants to keep checking the house each week to see if any of her packages don't get forwarded to our new location and I am dredding this as I don't ever want to see my neighbors again.

So let it go. Remember, these people aren't there to help you when you ran into problems, so the heck with them. People will gossip not only about you, but everyone else they can as well, so don't even worry about it anymore. Plus more and more people are going bk, foreclosure, and bad credit problems.

[researchnerd]

IMO, the shame of foreclosure is related to the cultural ideal of home ownership as a sign of success. When we've achieved that and then lost it, it feels like everyone knows and holds it against you. In reality, as others have said here about bankruptcy -- anyone who matters doesn't think less of you, and anyone who thinks less of you doesn't matter.

"Owning" your home is a vigorously-perpetuated myth for anyone who doesn't buy their home outright, because the bank owns it until it's paid off -- and even then, some argue that the government owns it because they can take it away if you don't pay your taxes. I'm reading an interesting book right now called Our Lot: How Real Estate Came To Own Us, which goes into detail about the how the home ownership ideal was consciously created (it didn't happen accidentally). As recently as the 1930s, having a mortgage was a shameful thing, and they typically lasted only 3-5 years. But since then, the government and the banks have colluded with each other to make home ownership via longterm mortgage the American Dream -- which of course they all profit on greatly -- and we've come to regard it as the normal, ideal situation. In reality, in current times, it is not a financially responsible path for many, many people. Knowing the history behind it, and the messages we've been intentionally fed about what we should value, has helped me get a better perspective on my own foreclosure.

[Peeps]

Whatever your situation, there are plenty of people who will look at your property and know they're a lot closer to the same possibility than they might let on. Odds are, there are several people in your neighborhood who are in similar situation. And even higher odds that there are even more people in the neighborhood that are struggling financially... the possibility of losing their own homes has crossed their minds at some point or another.

You're choosing to view this as a situation of embarrassment when it's very possible that compassion, understanding, and concern for your welfare are on the minds of your neighbors. Given today's economic climate I doubt very many are judging you (glass houses... rocks... you know).

I have a neighbor that is facing foreclosure right now. He has been very open and honest about it. The neighborhood has responded very positively and everyone who knows about the situation is rooting for him. They're all offering up ideas and resources to help him. And we're not talking about a normally-friendly neighborhood, here. If things don't go well, you can be sure a lot of people here are going to feel pretty bad that he lost the battle. No one will be critical because everyone knows how hard it has been. I just offer up the story to show that people (sometimes the ones that you least suspect) DO understand.

Hold your head high. You did what you had to do. There's nothing wrong with moving on.

[frogger]

how long? Well - that depends on how long you decide to allow it to.

That is the correct answer. You need to allow yourself to get over it.

Shhhhhhh it happens.

[drowning123]

"Anyone who would do anything but feel bad for you and/or try to help you out isn't someone you need in your life or need to worry about. In 5-7 years from now, you will probably be more financially stable than the people judging, so joke is on them ."

Well said BKlooker.

[Pandora]

how long? Well - that depends on how long you decide to allow it to. If you decide to let it "shame" you, then you'll never be able to hold your head up and meet people eye to eye, so to speak.

Do not let it control you - as my dad used to say "s**T happens and life goes on..."

Hang in there!

[BKlooker]

It's no one's business but your own anyway. You are not the only person in the country going through a foreclosure....it's way rampant right now....in my parent's old neighborhood, literally every other house on the block is on the auction block (they paid their home off years ago, thank God). There are many places where the foreclosure lot is more overstocked then the owner-for-sale lot. It's only as tramatizing as you make it in the end. I think most people (of the middle or lower class anyway) understand that with unemployment so high, and healthcare expenses alone eating away at everyone's pockets, it's hard all over.

And I mean...people are going to find something to talk about you for anyway. If someone confronted me on my up-coming foreclosure, I would tell them where they could go.....

Anyone who would do anything but feel bad for you and/or try to help you out isn't someone you need in your life or need to worry about. In 5-7 years from now, you will probably be more financially stable than the people judging, so joke is on them

[drowning123]

When mine happens, I could care less what people think. I guess it comes down to our personalities. I haven't had my foreclosure yet, but I'm pretty sure that there'll be no embarrassment for me. I already told a neighbor cuz he and I are struggling. I can't wait to move. I hate the house anyway, but I'll stay there long enough to save up as much money possible.

[techguy74]

How long does it take to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure? My foreclosure is final and the cleanup crew has come to the house and thrown everything in the driveway.

I still have to drive through the neighborhood to bring my child to daycare. I think at this point all of my neighbors know what has happened.

How long did it take everyone to get over the embarrassment of a foreclosure?