A world of mixed emotions: ADVICE NEEDED!

[newbeginning]

Hi all,

It's been a while since I last posted. Trying to keep the family together and help my wife fight metastatic breast cancer. Her condition seems to be improving daily, but still remains in ICU and our baby daughter was born yesterday (@32-weeks) @ 2lbs 12oz. Both doing well.

So, with that good news, I also got a letter from Bank of America indicating that they will write off my account as bad debt and they will pursue arbitration if I do not respond with arrangements by Feb. 27. Should i respond to this letter and how?

My wife will be discharged soon, but the baby will remain in the NICU for another 5-8 weeks. I pray to God that nothing more serious happens that will force me to file before all medical treatment is completed. Our currently hospital bill alone is over 1 million dollars (before insurance kicks in) and I know what is leftover will not be pleasant. I really feel bad about not being able to pay for some of these bills to doctors who have done so much for my wife. I just don't have the money w/o my wife's income.

Two additional questions:

1. What happens if I am unable to meet even the medical deductible? Can this be written off in chapter 7? I have not met deductible and will not be able to.
2. What is the best way to find out my creditors?

Thank you all!

[keepmine]

Medical debt is unsecured and can be discharged,
Order your credit reports from all 3 CRA's is a good start to finding creditors, You are entitled to 1 freebie from each CRA a year.
Hope your wife and baby continue to improve.

[woeisme]

most hospitals have programs to help with the bills based on income levels and family size. If you haven't already, you might want to check with your hospital to see if some of the medical debt can be taken care of that way. My stepson was just in the hospital and based on his income, he didn't have to pay any of it after filling out the paperwork.

Do you know what the rules in your state are concerning garnishment are? You might want to check that out to see if there's anything BOA can even do to you, as some states won't even allow them to garnish wages.

Best of luck to you and your family. God bless.

[newbeginning]

Garnishment of wages in TX is not permitted under these circumstances. But as my wife continues to remain in the hospital AND creditors continue to get impatient, I feel pressured to file for bk. But if I do too early, additional hospital and other medical bills will not be included in the bk.

This is SO discouraging. So much that I have to do and tend to. New baby, wife with metastatic breast cancer, my 2-year old son, bills, work...

[CindyLou]

there is no reason for you to file prematurely due to their pressure. Ignore them and take care of your family. Then file when everyone is healthy again! Don't file until you are sure the medical bills are over!

[Flamingo]

Congratulations on your new child and also that your wife is doing well and hopefully will continue to improve. Your child is not that premature and with today's medical marvels should do very well. Keep that attitude. I had a grandson born at 1 lb. 13 ozs. that is a six year old normal child today. Your wife and child need to be discharged totally before you will get any final bills from the hospital and doctors as you well know. That is probably the time for you to consider doing what you need to do. However, you will need to know that both your wife and child may continue to need some sort of specialized care for a while so you may want to look into options that may be offerred through hospitals in your state for hardship cases. You will need to do what you need to do for a while until all is totally well. You must also take care of yourself.

After you file BK, you may want to talk to one of the counselors that each hospital has available for extraordinary situations such as yours. There is lots of help and assistance out there through grants, etc. that the hospoitals receive. Start to investigate.

Best of luck to you and your growing family!

[Keebler]

Hey...

I'm in Texas too and my financial troubles were in the works for several years and became unmanageable due to some sizable medical expenses in the last year or so. (My out-of-pocket medical expenses exceeded 20% of my gross income last year and would have exceeded 33% without payment arrangements with some providers.)

I stopped paying creditors in June so I could keep up with living and medical expenses.

So far, there has been no shortage of phone calls and I've talked to all of them now and again. I don't give them any information they don't already have, but I do explain that I've got large medical expenses that cause my living expenses to exceed my income and I've stopped paying creditors to be sure we continue to receive treatment. Surprisingly many people I talk to have been polite and understanding. New collection agencies call and I start all over with them but it hasn't been as bad as we expected.

Our goal is to pay as much of our medical expenses as we can and continue to receive treatment. We'll file when we feel like most of the expenses are behind us or when we get sued.

I hope it helps knowing you're not alone.

[newbeginning]

Thank you all,

My wife had a set-back the other night. MRI indicates cancer more widely spread than initially thought, but this does not necessarily indicate that any of it is NEW.

Flamingo,

I make over 50K+ a year and worry that the hospital would look at and tell me that you make too much for any help. I can't explain to them that I have large CC debt, a mortgage (trying to keep the house), and that I only make enough to pay for essential bills, etc, can I?

Keebler,

I have thought about informing creditors of my situation, but also thought "what good would it do?" Are they going to all of a sudden say, "sorry, we'll hold-off on repayment expectations, or give us a call after all of this is over..." I suspect that it would be more like, "sorry to hear that. so, how much can you afford to repay or schedule?" The answer to that is not a single dollar. My income already is not enough to cover the essentials (getting help from my family).

To top it all off, there are some who think that I may be clinically depressed. I actually had a nurse offer me a anti-depressant that she was taking. Funny, though, I probably am, but don't want to be on any medication. Need to feel, be clear on all my thinking as we are going through this... don't know if that makes sense...

[keepmine]

I make over 50K+ a year and worry that the hospital would look at and tell me that you make too much for any help. I can't explain to them that I have large CC debt, a mortgage (trying to keep the house), and that I only make enough to pay for essential bills, etc, can I?


Sure you can-it's the truth. Sadly, they've seen ruinious medical bills before.
You've a lot to deal with now. I'd do exactly what you're doing. Making sure the basics are paid and keeping a roof over your family head. The other stuff you let go. And yes, I'd explain my situation to creditors. Let them know collection attempts are a waste of time. Explain it once and then let VM or your answering machine catch the calls.
Don't neglect your own health in all of this.

[Keebler]

Thank you all,

My wife had a set-back the other night. MRI indicates cancer more widely spread than initially thought, but this does not necessarily indicate that any of it is NEW.

Flamingo,

I make over 50K+ a year and worry that the hospital would look at and tell me that you make too much for any help. I can't explain to them that I have large CC debt, a mortgage (trying to keep the house), and that I only make enough to pay for essential bills, etc, can I?

Keebler,

I have thought about informing creditors of my situation, but also thought "what good would it do?" Are they going to all of a sudden say, "sorry, we'll hold-off on repayment expectations, or give us a call after all of this is over..." I suspect that it would be more like, "sorry to hear that. so, how much can you afford to repay or schedule?" The answer to that is not a single dollar. My income already is not enough to cover the essentials (getting help from my family).

To top it all off, there are some who think that I may be clinically depressed. I actually had a nurse offer me a anti-depressant that she was taking. Funny, though, I probably am, but don't want to be on any medication. Need to feel, be clear on all my thinking as we are going through this... don't know if that makes sense...

When I tell creditors our problem is due to huge medical expenses, I also explain that I expect the problem to be temporary and I'm doing everything I can to get back to normal as soon as possible.

You're right that it hasn't really changed anything because they all have a job to do and that is to mindlessly collect that payment. However, I'm convinced that telling them has caused them to see me differently than the garden-variety deadbeat. My hope was to avoid a lawsuit and buy myself as much time as possible and I think the strategy has worked. They all waited until the absolute last second to charge-off my accounts and none of my accounts have been sold after the charge-off so the calls continue from adults who speak and understand English very well instead of creeps.

My philosophy was that this: Talking to them would buy time at the best and accomplish nothing at the worst. I think it has helped.

Among the suprises have been the collectors I've talked to that see me not trying to avoid thier calls, I answer thier questions and I'm generally being an adult about the situation. Several of these folks have been smypathetic and done things to postpone calls, or minimize them, and generally do what they can to help me within the limitations of thier job. Many have been helpful in explaining where my account stood and let me know important dates for escalation to other departments or charge-off etc.

As far as releif from the hospital regarding medical bills, we're not so different either. My income sounds similar to yours and I WAS able to get a 40% reduction on one of my large medical bills. The process is designed to make you believe that it is NEVER done and there is NO assistance available. I got nothing but grief until I *****ed and moaned up through as many levels of management as I could muster. Think like a debt collector! Get on the phone and bug the crap out of anyone you can for whatever reasons you can find and make ignoring your pleas for help more painful than granting them!

Once I found the right person to complain to I was given an application for assistance. Not suprisingly, the application was similar to Bankruptcy. Your income probably matters but they were trying to get to the bottom of whether you had disposable income available. I filled it out expecting nothing and I got several thousand dollars taken off of my bill. It was a $13,000 visit and my portion was reduced to approximately $2,500 after insurance payments and the discount they applied. They also agreed to take payments for the balance remaining.

My advice to you is this: Spend your available income on the things that are necessary for your family's health and welfare. All of your unsecured debt and any hospital bills that you can should go unpaid. Pay the house, the utilities, food, maybe a car payment or two. Pay any medical bill you need to pay to be sure you continue to receive treatment and postpone any medical bill that won't interfere with receiving treatment. Buy as much time as you can and get as much of this behind you before you try to fix the problem by filing Bankruptcy.

Remember, YOU'RE IN CONTROL and not the creditors. They get NOTHING until you're sure the money isn't needed for the things that are more important to your family.

[Flamingo]

Thank you all,
Flamingo,

I make over 50K+ a year and worry that the hospital would look at and tell me that you make too much for any help. I can't explain to them that I have large CC debt, a mortgage (trying to keep the house), and that I only make enough to pay for essential bills, etc, can I?

To top it all off, there are some who think that I may be clinically depressed. I actually had a nurse offer me a anti-depressant that she was taking. Funny, though, I probably am, but don't want to be on any medication. Need to feel, be clear on all my thinking as we are going through this... don't know if that makes sense...

$50K a year is a drop in the bucket for a family of 4, a premature newborn infant who will possibly have continual medical intervention for several years due to prematuraty, and your wife who right now will not be able to work probably for quite a while. You have a lot of major things at once and it happens to others besides you. You can have a life event such as this that brings on depression (such as going through a divorce can, death of family member, etc., etc.). Seeing your family doctor might be of some help to you but it is only you who can make that decision. I did not bring up depression but think you need to gather your wits about you and think ahead beyond filing BK (which you will most definately have to do). Hospitals have counseling sections for patients/families in situations such as yours and can help or recommend options. You will not be able to support your family on your salary at this point. Go get the help and advice you need for future medical situations that will definately arise. Again, you may want to wait until your wife and child are both home before you proceed with bankruptcy but believe me, your attorney and others will also be able to provide you with priceless advice and sources for the years to come. You just need to ask questions and do some investigations as to options in your state.

I and others will pray for you, your wife and your family. Many of us experience hardships in our lives and do get through them. Sometimes you just have to be a little bit proactive as hard as it may be; do you have any family members around that can help at this time?

[newbeginning]

Thank you all for your responses.

My wife's family is here in town, but has been a dreadful disappointment. My employer, co-workers and friends have been indispensable to me during these past months. No one, but my own immediate family are aware of my financial situation and they have been helping by sending money.

I will do what I can to pay for the chemo, radiation. These are things that my wife, if discharged, will need to continue with, but all other other bills I will ignore. Getting help to reduce bill would not be very meaningful, would it, if I am going to BK it all? Why try to reduce something that I know that I will not be able to repay regardless of how much is reduced (money is that tight)? Thanks to MY family, I am able to keep up with essential payments, but w/o them, NO WAY.

I will begin to answer calls from the collectors and banks to try to explain. I am hoping that this will help in some way to at least slow down the process.

BTW, I believe that I have been depressed for a while now, but believe me, I am fully determined to bring my family through this. I am motivated by love for my wife, my son, my new daughter, my God, and, sadly, a resolve to defy the lack of pro-active support that I have been getting from my wife's family who is right here in town. Disgraceful (that's another issue all together)!

Thank you.

[DebtHeadache]

New beginning I just read your post and my heart goes out to you and your family. I will pray that they both have a quick recovery and may your wife be health and free of cancer and may your daughter be out of pre-natal care soon. I too live in Texas and had my share of medical bills, but nothing on your scale. Just be honest with your creditors and see what happens. May they have mercy on your situation.

Best regards, DH

[krielly]

Wow. Your plate is surely full! I will pray for you and your family.
Just a bit of advice regarding your depression. Please pursue help for this. You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your family.
There are a lot of misconceptions about anti-depressants. You are concerned about "thinking clearly" and that medication will affect that. Actually, the opposite is true in many cases.
Anti-depressants are not "happy pills". I have been taking them on and off for years (shouldn't have gone off, but that's a whole other story).
My depression is considered mild-moderate. I have taken zoloft successfully for years, and am now on a generic version of the same. As I said, it's definitely not a happy pill. It actually took 4-6 weeks to work itself into my system. It doesn't solve your troubles, but will help you help yourself. My thinking improved 100%. Please seek help right away! I totally understand that your family is your priority right now, but they need you to be t he best that you can be...........to do that, you need to take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs!
K

[mcdulph]

Yep, K is absolutely correct. I too was afraid to take antidepressants, thinking that they would turn me into a drooling idiot. That is SO not what happened! The correct antidepressant will make you feel more like your old self, nothing more.

It can take a while to find the correct pill and dosage, but when that happens, the person with depression will be asking him/herself "Why on EARTH didn't I do this sooner?!" Antidepressants have given me my life back.

Best of luck to you, and God Bless. My husband has just been diagnosed w/ widespread cancer, so I have some idea what you are going through. Thank God that hubby's kids are grown, and can actually be a comfort--one of the benefits of being older, I guess.

I'm so sorry to hear that your wife's family isn't any help. Is it possible that they are just sort of emotionally paralyzed or in denial, and don't know what to do? That seems to be the case with one or two of my in-laws, as well.

Perhaps you could contact the "least useless" member of the family and ask them to do something specific, like cook and freeze a couple of meals for you? Or watch your older child for a while, or run an errand or two? Who knows, they might even be relieved to be able to do SOMETHING. Cancer can make people feel so helpless.