my wife did this to us

[blockhead]

1) Kill her and bury her in the back yard
2) Talk to her and work things out - forgive.

Not too many options when you think about it. Some better than others.

Works for me!

[bakergrl]

Wow, I did not even notice the OP date.

For what its worth, this is an old thread. I don't think Cameron is around the forums any longer.

[SMinGA]

For what its worth, this is an old thread. I don't think Cameron is around the forums any longer.

[bakergrl]

lol...i thought that myself, how do you miss all the new things she owned and not wonder where she was getting the money?

How in the world did you not know about it? Try paying attention to your wife and your credit report. It's your own fault.

[Universal]

Cameron, what an awful problem you have! Please keep us informed on what you are going to do. (some of the responses were sort of humerous......) Everyone here will help you thru BK if that is what you decide to do.

[tigerm]

Cameron, bankruptcy is a business decision. You can't pay the creditors, and it's not like your creditors were doing you any favors by giving the two of you more credit than you could afford. So, shake the burden, file the chapter 7 and go through the credit counselling. Looking back and placing blame is only going to lead you down a very dark path. That said, you should look back and go through marriage counselling to figure out where the root problems are here so that you never have to experience bankruptcy again. Believe me overspending and unresolved marital problems definitely go hand in hand. But anger and resentment over these issues will get you nowhere. Attack the problems, not the mate....

[Widdle]

How I do I tell with this? My wife got all these credit cards in my name using my information. She changed hte billing address to a po box.


Now were bankrupting because of her and i'm the only one calling the creditors and the lawyers.

If you are filing BK - you don't need to be calling the creditors.

Just like the others posted, get a copy of the three major Credit Reports --Experian, TransUnion and Equifax.

And, in this case, it's a good thing to file BK.

My brother found out his ex opened a lot of cards in his name, including 2 lines of credit. We have no idea how she managed to get the financing.

Anyway, when they divorced, he had all cards paid in full by refinancing his house. Then 6 months after the divorce, Walmart calls. She had the card in her possession and used it. He played hell trying to get that resolved. He filed a police report, but that was pretty much a waste of time.

Between the two of us we sent 5 letters Walmart's collection and fraud department.

They never fixed it. They still sent demand letters and trashed his Experian report.

Finally, 3 years later, I used a Power of Attorney and got on the phone with the fraud department and while on the phone, faxed all copies of the letters and police report as well as his divorce decree and then they "fixed" it, by deleting the record from his credit report completely. They sent a verification to my brother without even a slim apology.

Anyway, YMMV - Your mileage may vary!!!!

[Faust]

What do you want to happen? Figure that out and go from there.

[lovebirds]

Ya'll have big trust issues. You need to sit down with her and talk this out. Delegate the phone calls that ya'll should make.

My husband handles all our creditor phone calls b/c they make me upset. I handle all written communication/sending checks out/balancing checkbook.

If she is not willing to do anything, you need to end the relationship or have her get serious help. And take your time with the bankruptcy. Learn about it.

I still think you should wait it out...that credit card company that doesn't want to "deal" with your credit counselling service will cave sooner than later.

[nc73]

How in the world did you not know about it? Try paying attention to your wife and your credit report. It's your own fault.

[blankslate]

This is what our host of this thread must decide to do on his own. He must sit down and think long and hard on his situation. Not knowing all, I would wish him to preserve the marriage he asked of her. Consider himself fortunate that she accepted, and live with the warts, as he too has his own. 'Hub

I knew you would have some great replies

I got married VERY young and divorced very young too. It's been many years since and I've not remarried because I haven't found that person who is willing to be a partner rather than a bitter supreme ruler or complete child. I take marriage very seriously and I won't do it again until I know it's the right person.

As a single person I've observed a lot of relationships. When I talk to couples who've been married for 20+ years with no signs of stopping now, they ALWAYS tell me about the times when they wanted to kill each other - and laugh while they talk about it.

Not every marriage is worth saving, but money shouldn't be the reason for the end of it.

[pcn]

In a nutshell:

1. If your wife signed your name without a power of attorney or any written permission from you and without your knowledge for these cards she committed fraud.
Best of luck to you both...

Point from personal experience, and I'm sure it may differ state to state: in the lovely state of AL a spouse may legally sign the other spouse's signature. As in, signing up for credit cards without the permission of the other spouse.

[frogger]

It all boils down to what you want to do with your relationship. You can work towards saving it, or kick it (and her) to the curb.

This is about so much more than money. I wish the best for you and your family, but only you can make the decision in how to proceed.

Money is replaceable. Family is not.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Usually in matters such as this, the wife is not working, the husband is the breadwinner withi a good job, has control over all the finances and gives the wife an allowance to use for household and food purchases, etc. The wife rebels due to the control and does something like this or the wife suffers from OCD or another disorder and/or the husband has to review his control over the marriage and how he is making the wife feel as to his financial control. There is always more to it than meets the eye and has to be worked out by the couple as to how they want to handle it to get to the bottom of it. The main thing to watch if they get it resolved if it will happen again and why the wife actually did it...

Yes, a very wise observation and this is a common fault. My older daughter is a "spendahalic". Her husband is a quintessential Scotchman. I mean from Scotland.

Mrs. was never married at age 36 when we met. She was also head of household with a widowed Mother (Dad died at her age of 10), and Mom had Alzheimer's.

When we got married, there was both a power struggle. As a man, and to that date, a responsible man, two wearing the pants in the family does not get it. I set her down and earnestly stated that this marriage will be run 50/50 with both of us in agreement or it would not work. On occasion however, if need be, my vote was 51% at all times. I have NEVER had to use my majority vote. She understands that as long as I was a responsible person, did my part in the household finance and responsibility, that I was the head of the household. Now as my above post stated, there have been occasions that both of us fell short of that deal. We both understand that with each others track record being good, that the flaw is in the design and not the intent. We are not Angels as I have stated, but that will come one day as well. But until then, we have to do our best to go through life living it right, warts and all.

This is what our host of this thread must decide to do on his own. He must sit down and think long and hard on his situation. Not knowing all, I would wish him to preserve the marriage he asked of her. Consider himself fortunate that she accepted, and live with the warts, as he too has his own. 'Hub

[Flamingo]

Usually in matters such as this, the wife is not working, the husband is the breadwinner withi a good job, has control over all the finances and gives the wife an allowance to use for household and food purchases, etc. The wife rebels due to the control and does something like this or the wife suffers from OCD or another disorder and/or the husband has to review his control over the marriage and how he is making the wife feel as to his financial control. There is always more to it than meets the eye and has to be worked out by the couple as to how they want to handle it to get to the bottom of it. The main thing to watch if they get it resolved if it will happen again and why the wife actually did it...