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Don't kill yourself over debt (literally)

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  • Don't kill yourself over debt (literally)

    I met someone today, a customer, and after talking for 15 minutes she told me something that had to be told to others. To keep it short, her son was 23 years old, and had student loans and credit card debt which was over fifty grand she said. She said he got really drunk according to friends at a party, and he was crying about his issues. He then left, and walked into traffic, but ultimately took his own life by shooting himself in the heart with a 38 revolver. Apparently he survived until the paramedics arrived, and died on the way to the hospital.

    He flat out killed himself because of his debt, and state of mind his mother said. This made me tear up and cry, I felt so bad for her, I hugged her.

    This might come off as a rant, and I'm sorry, but don't and I mean DON'T kill yourself over debts.

    RIP Brad.

  • #2
    I understand completely, but wished I had his debt instead of mine.

    I recently lost 400K of my own money, and then went in debt 100K in just a week because of bad trading. I lost over 500K and now have to deal with bankruptcy because of going 113K negative in my brokerage account.

    I'm in a real bad position because I have a joint account with my father and he may be liable for my debt. If losing 400K of your own money isn't bad enough, now I have to deal with 113K debt. What can get worse.

    I really considered suicide at the time. I don't think I would have ever gone through with it but I did consider it as an option after losing over 500K. I was thinking about it and how I would do it.

    For just 50K in student debt, and not having lost 500K of your own money, I don't see why you would want to take your life, there must have been other reasons why he took his own life then just 50K of debt. I had 50K of debt after college also and it wasn't a big issue.

    I have much more reason to commit suicide to be honest, I'm such a failure in life and just lost everything and I'm in my late 30's. I'm the biggest failure in my family by far.

    I think it would be stupid though committing suicide if you are still in good health, that of which is all I have right now. I just have to think of someone who became cripped or something bad like that and think my situation isn't all that bad. I try and just play a lot of video games now and try and get my mind off losing all that money.


    • #3
      Believe me I had it rough for me too. And that was over just 20k in debt .It's not the amount of debt but instead the embarrassment of not being able to pay your debts as they come due. I feel so much better now and my membership in the 60 day club only has 27 days left (my 30 day club membership expires today because of the long weekend) .So it has made a difference knowing things are going to work out .


      • #4
        I do not feel shame or guilt because of the reason I ended up destitute (an absolute worst lemon case of a bad investor house flip ) but I am deeply depressed over what seems like the veritable end of my life as I knew it forever , not just for the next 4 years . We are one year into a 5 year plan and things have gotten so much worse these last 12+ months with my constant scary medical bills - most of last year I suffered from vague but alarming symptoms that turned into 3 manageable conditions : Carpal Tunnel Syndrome/Ulnar nerve damage( hands/wrists), Cervical Stenosis (upper neck) and widespread inflammatory /scar tissue from many injuries requiring an unnecessary and extremely costly biopsy which we are still struggling to pay off four full months after the worthless procedure was preformed (left ankle). This year I am facing $$$$ of new and replacement crowns ,root canals ,etc. to save at least three different teeth. My husband has been looking for a new job for 4 months with out any success already and is hanging on precariously to his current defense contractor job . He has been reduced to temporary stooge fill-in jobs at the same pay and benefit levels (thankfully) ,but I don't see how he can maintain this for 4 years ,much less the 12 years until he qualifies for his vested pension when he turns 60. I think he is trying to stay at this company until he can retire, but I don't think this is going to be possible. The need to file this BK 13 has made our life so much worse -no hope of refinancing, no medical credit, no Voice-over, singing or on-camera training classes for me ever again, no ability to fix up this house ever should we need to sell fast. I can not predict the future but all I see is a bleak life ahead - some time back I read a comment about life in a Chapter13 : "You'll be alive but you won't be living. " So true! There's got to be more to life than just paying pills and regretting buying and spending $100,000 solely on CCs to fix up and make livable a house from hell, right?


        • #5
          Originally posted by Barbisi View Post
          There's got to be more to life than just paying pills and regretting buying and spending $100,000 solely on CCs to fix up and make livable a house from hell, right?
          We call this the daily grind. A good majority of people, especially who work in major cities, do just that; live to pay bills.

          Chapter 7 (No Asset/Non-Consumer) Filed (Pro Se) 7/08 (converted from Chapter 13 - 2/10)
          Status: (Auto) Discharged and Closed! 5/10
          Visit My BKForum Blog: justbroke's Blog

          I am not an attorney. Any advice provided is not legal advice.


          • #6
            Ok so this is the way everything is supposed to have gone for us , this is the way everyone in a big city has to live . Then what's the point than of filing BK?
            Thanks justbroke for a very unhelpful reply !
            Last edited by Barbisi; 02-22-2018, 07:08 PM.


            • #7
              Hey, Trevor,Lostall and Nodebtrenton I think you three are far better off than I am because you are younger and seem to have good health ,which I no longer have ,and can easily continue training in whatever field you choose and can change jobs. In other words, you have a future! I can't imagine ever staying again in a hotel, flying on an airplane,(i.e. taking a vacation), going to a concert, hardly being ever seeing a cheap movie again, eating out any where but the cheapest restaurant(and even than only with a coupon) and many other thing that were once easy and possible for me. I have no idea if we are even going to be able to see this Bk through! We may end up in foreclosure if my husband does eventually lose his job or one or both of us end up with a terminal illness!. You are so lucky because it sounds like you three ended up in BK7! Soon you will be free to live your lives - Congratulations!


              • #8
                Originally posted by justbroke
                We call this the daily grind. A good majority of people, especially who work in major cities, do just that; live to pay bills.
                Originally posted by Barbisi View Post
                Ok so this is the way everything is supposed to have gone for us , this is the way everyone in a big city has to live . Then what's the point than of filing BK?
                Thanks justbroke for a very unhelpful reply !
                I speak for an individual situation as the statement is generic. Despite your misgivings, the statement is actually helpful to someone trying to understand or decipher their story. Living in a society where living costs are high -- especially in major cities -- is just the plain and simple truth; not everyone has a six-figure income.

                Not everyone has our issues with debt. The numbers, on their face, are alarming. Some 1,000,000 cases were filed in 2013 (or about 1 in 350 in the population). Some sources claim that almost 1 in 10 will file bankruptcy over their lifetime; the corollary being that over 90% do not. I can't tell, even from anecdotal evidence, whether those that don't suffer had a perfectly uneventful life and were able to weather financial difficulties or still had every conceivable issue thrown at them; I suppose it's the former.

                We were not the lucky ones.

                My bottom line, and the reason for my comment, was that life truly is like a box of chocolate (to steal that from a simple man who simply wanted to live and be with the one that he loved). The reason for the straight talk is to say that "this is life" (c'est la vie) and that we can overcome life's challenges. Unless and until we have a society where money is not necessary to live... the daily grind will continue. So, yes, there is more to life than the daily grind. I don't know how it is going to be for everyone, but the journey is amazing despite bankruptcy, loss of a home, spending all your retirement money to save a piece of property, loss of job(s), or living in an area that doesn't support the cost of living.

                Millions of others have gone down this road of debt and filing bankruptcy. We are not even 1 in 1,000,000. We have millions of others just like us willing to share their stories of how they made it through rather a rather strenuous part of their life and came out on the other side. Maybe the brevity of my post was overly subject to interpretation, but it remains the same. Unfortunately, many millions of us have done the daily grind to find ourselves in the position of filing bankruptcy. Post-filing bankruptcy life feels a lot better than the pre-filing bankruptcy life. The purpose of bankruptcy is to remove uncertainty about pre-filing debt and to give the debtor "relief" from those debts. I can personally say that the moment that I filed, my head way higher, I smiled more, and I had a bounce in my step. But, alas, I'm back in the daily grind and realizing that I could quite easily be back to where I was in 2008.
                Chapter 7 (No Asset/Non-Consumer) Filed (Pro Se) 7/08 (converted from Chapter 13 - 2/10)
                Status: (Auto) Discharged and Closed! 5/10
                Visit My BKForum Blog: justbroke's Blog

                I am not an attorney. Any advice provided is not legal advice.


                • #9
                  I totally agree with JB. the months leading to filing I was not happy, always worrying what would happen. I had tons of debt but always had a way to make the minimum payments .Until i sat down and wrote where my money was going did I realize I had a losing fight. That's when I made the decision to stop using credit and get some help. I was essentially paying my cc bills just to Max them out again .not the way to live If things.arent getting any better .

                  Ever since I filed I feel a lot better. Do I feel guilty? Sure I do. But I also know this is a place I don't want to return to. Like I told my lawyer Im not counting down eight years to file again. I don't want to go back. But there's always challenges and I'll so everything I can to have my own money to borrow from not creditors. I can do the grind with my money.


                  • #10
                    Thanks, justbroke!
                    I do understand what you're saying now that you explained it in more detail. I have thought often about how unlucky we actually were to end up like this when others have successfully flipped a house, made a profit (unlike us) and didn't have to declare BK less than 6 months later! Of course, they also didn't have a family death to deal with either that precipitated their disaster!
                    I definitely also think that the older you are when entering Bk for the first time, the less your chances of avoiding a second go-round (either another 13 or a 7). I don't know what the statistics are but I doubt people over 40 fully recover and live as prosperously a life as they did pre-BK. Instead,they struggle to obtain much needed credit for home repairs and the like,fail to obtain better jobs or resume careers they had to abandon to pay the trustee, or even buy new cars at lower interest rates. And they certainly don't take vacations or travel easily (which we hardly ever did, much to my regret now.) It essentially becomes too late to utilize the budgetary and other life lessons you have to learn to survive the Bk in the first place because all you can do post-Bk is continue to survive with failing health , diminished income ,and quadrupled medical costs. If this isn't bleak enough, I can't imagine what would be worse! There is no fresh start for "older" people, only what could have been with a little luck!


                    • #11
                      Nodebtrenton, if all your medical problems started only after you filed , you wouldn't be relieved -you would be worried too.
                      At least when I had access to CCs I would have been guaranteed full dental care -now I have to save up (I'm only allowed $300 per month and the back crown will cost over a $1000) so do the math -that is going to be tough no matter how you sugar coat it - a dental school is no place to go for an infected tooth! Even if you pull teeth (which should be a very last resort) you have to treat gum infections with a root canal. Teeth are important and I would gladly have debt to save my teeth.
                      The irony is my medical bills have become my new CCs!


                      • #12
                        I disagree. UCLA’s Dental School was the absolute best place for me when I could no longer pay regular dentists. I had the grad student/DDS going after his speciality, his direct supervisor who is a high level expert in the field as well as the Professor with three patents to his name, and several other professors looking over the kid’s shoulders. The only cost was my time and gas based on the school’s sliding scale.

                        They were able to treat a complex infection, save one tooth, crown another, and teach me how to prevent such things in the future.

                        One has to get creative when funds are non-existent.

                        Also, have you consulted your attorney to possibly change your Chapter 13 into a 7? Or tapped non-exempt asset amounts to lower seizable items? Or found a cheaper place to live? The kids will take their cue how to look at the situation by your actions (for example, we kids were upset when our Mom was, but that passed after we moved across country to a new adventure with no bad memories to upset our parents. They converted a Chapter 13 into a 7, losing their house, along with the rest of the now-former Chevron employees, when Dad showed up to work to find the plant closed and the gate locked, with no one but now former employees around).

                        The plant owners forgot that many of their employees had bolt cutters in their go toolboxes, so everyone on the morning shift got their personal tools out.


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