How to Handle Stress

[minan]

How do you guys handle all the waiting and stress?

I filed on 7/30 and I've been in constant anxiety everyday since that day. I can't think about anything else except how am I going to to find the money to make it through the bankruptcy.

I can't eat or sleep. I wake up shaking and cry alot. I try to do other things but everything comes back to the bk. At work, I can barely concentrate. Something that used to take me 5 minutes, liking reading an email, now takes me 10 or more minutes. I can't focus.

I'm too afraid to drive out and do things because I don't want to spend any money or use up the gas in my car so I don't have to keep refilling the tank and spending money.

I take my dogs out for a walk and can only make it through 10 minutes before I came back home.

I try to talk to friends and they seem to either get frustrated because they don't understand or are busy with their lives. I'm single and don't have anyone else.

This is the first time I've ever felt so alone. I don't know what to do.

[Dougie011]

You are not alone. I am starting to calm down a little now, but before I filed and up until a week ago I was a wreck. I feel a little more at ease now. I have my 341 meeting on the 17th of Aug. I do understand what you are going through and after everything is said and done, we will (I hope) be glad we did this. I think everyone is a little apprehensive when they file and have a fear of the unknown.

[rebuilt]

Feeling the same here, and going through a separation / divorce. Self-employes, but can barely ever get out of bed before noon, and I am not even sure I am filing yet. But the more self-destrucitve I am by acting like this, the more I am sealing my fate. I am starting to come out of my shell. Going to be trying to get a bartending or waiting job to give some extra cash, and force me to socialize, and get back to the basics. Anytime you need a friend, just pm, or post.

Best of luck

[LadyInTheRed]

minan, I'm so sorry you are still feeling this way. Has your attorney explained to you why your plan pays 19% to unsecured creditors?

[minan]

minan, I'm so sorry you are still feeling this way. Has your attorney explained to you why your plan pays 19% to unsecured creditors?

Thanks for replying. I'm meeting with her on Tuesday so hopefully I can better understand what is going on with the payment. The proposed payment plan is what's causing me to feel this way.

In the meantime, I cry alot, worry about finding extra money.

When should I start cutting back on expenses, basically I'm trying to reduce some of my expenses now, however folks are saying to wait as those numbers may increase my DMI?

[LadyInTheRed]

Thanks for replying. I'm meeting with her on Tuesday so hopefully I can better understand what is going on with the payment. The proposed payment plan is what's causing me to feel this way.

In the meantime, I cry alot, worry about finding extra money.

When should I start cutting back on expenses, basically I'm trying to reduce some of my expenses now, however folks are saying to wait as those numbers may increase my DMI?

Well, I'm glad to hear you aren't still feeling this way AFTER meeting with your attorney. Make sure when determining your plan payment, she starts from your DMI and adds any "minimums" rather than starting with a certain percentage to unsecured. Make sure you understand the reason for every number!

I think you were talking about canceling and reducing services? I agree that you should wait until you at least understand your plan and make any necessary changes. That way you can document expenses if you need to. Your schedule J is supposed to be for projected expenses. A lot of people cut to the bare minimum trying to avoid bankruptcy but have to file anyway. You should not have to stay at those bare minimums just to pay unsecured creditors.

[horse]

I wish I could give you some good advice on how to handle the stress...but we've been discharged and I'm still a wreck. Filing BK has been such a traumatizing event... The only thing that has helped is coming to this forum and reading all the good advice.

[mom901]

We are just beginning, but what happens at the discharge stage that is bad? Wouldn't it get better when you are almost done? I am also stressed so I know how you both feel.

[espo1357]

its just part of life, this stress thing. It never really goes away, unless you can just find a way to give it all up to God and let Him figure it all out. I used to live that life of faith, and then slipped up, but now I am starting to see that the wisdom from above is the only thing that has kept me sane in this mess.

Right now, I am so darn annoyed with these payments that will not go away, and having to budget for every cent. Its a pain in the neck for sure. But, its a good business decision. And in a few years, I will have my financial freedom back, and so will most of you.

Also, finding a cash job is not a bad idea if you are willing to work a bit. You have to delay gratification in this. that is the key element to it all, delaying gratification.

You are either going to enjoy life now, and pay for it later. Or make the tough decisions now (no to bs spending), and then enjoy life later. Personally, I am going to wait to drive that Lincoln until the home is pay for and I have very high positive cash, which is going to be another 10-15 years. Its worth the wait. Maybe that's a bad example, but you get my point.

Take care and hang in there. Things will get better. They have to get better.

[wannaknow]

Most of the stress your experiencing has been caused by your negative thinking. I'm not saying its right or wrong, certainly understandable giving the unknown circumstances. I too experienced stress in the beginning of the process and the 341 meeting and confirmation; after each passed the stress ceased to exist. In fact, after the initial filing and all the phone calls stopped was a huge stress release. We have been trained that bk is the worst possible thing in the world one can do; don't buy into the guilt. You live and you learn, change your attitude and reduce your stress.

I would recommend that you work with your attorney to make sure that your plan is padded for everything legally possible in order to reduce the 19% payback. This will create some positive cash flow that you can save for a rainy day; some care repair; home repair, gifts ect. I also second espo comments about having faith and trusting God to give you peace with your decision and with life.

[minan]

Everyone thank you so much for all the words of advice. I'm glad to have found this site.

Part of the struggle I have is the guilt I feel that I got myself into this mess - that some decisions I thought were right at the time I made them - lead me into this mess because they were the wrong decision.

It's realizing that I've been so blessed to have a good salary and I wasted so much of it not doing the right thing - putting some away in savings, making mistakes on the taxes, not prioritizing what was important.

I realize that I was buying things to cover up the loneliness I feel. I have no spouse/boyfriend or children.

It's realizing so many things and knowing I can't go back and change anything.

[Flamingo]

A life event such as a BK brings about change which many people just cannot handle. Life events cause huge changes in one's life (birth, death, moving, filing BK, job change, etc., etc.). Sometimes it is just impossible to cope with it all on top of everything else going on (i.e., job, family, school, hobbies, etc., etc.). I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown in the months prior to filing and I am the queen of multi-tasking, thinking I could handle everything...right.. Call your family doctor and tell him /her you are having severe financial problems and cannot focus. Your wording in your posting points to depression caused by a life event. There is nothing wrong with temporarily going on a mild antidepressant to get one through stuff like this as it takes the edge off the anxiety and makes one able to focus and get through the stress and changes.

[minan]

Flamingo, I'm already on anti-depressants, but insurance doesn't kick in on new job until next week when I start on Monday. I lost my insurance two months ago because the IRS levy took all money in bank account and I couldn't pay.

I'm no longer going to be self-employed (which got me in the tax mess) and will be a W-2 on Monday. Maybe that's one decision I made that is the right thing.

[needanswers]

BK is stressful! I think the best thing for me has been to research on here and with my NOLO books the whole BK process. However, if I log on here too much or think about all the "what ifs", I cause myself unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Being able to get advice and feedback or even just to vent on this forum with people going through the same thing has been extremely helpful. This is my only BK outlet as we chose not to share our BK experience with any family or friends.

[minan]

BK is stressful! I think the best thing for me has been to research on here and with my NOLO books the whole BK process. However, if I log on here too much or think about all the "what ifs", I cause myself unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Being able to get advice and feedback or even just to vent on this forum with people going through the same thing has been extremely helpful. This is my only BK outlet as we chose not to share our BK experience with any family or friends.

This forum is also my outlet. I told my brother, however am not telling my parents. A few key friends know and are trying to be helpful, however they don't understand the process so our conversations tend to get frustrating for them and me. I'm trying not to impose. They all have kids, etc...and sometimes I get a sense that my problems are too much drama for them.