file BK without spousal approval.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I had a thought: in one of your posts I think you mentioned you had payday loans. I'm not an expert on this, but from what I read Mass. has some very strict rules on this as far as being licensed and charging interest, etc. Maybe if you could give more info on this debt, those that do know could offer some advice. It's worth looking into.

[angel7821]

Even if you are not filing BK we are still here for you and care very much. You are among friends and we understand. Great job on not going to Foxwoods last night. You should be very proud of yourself.

[pamkev]

Kathy
Please don't think you are a bother here because you are not. You were on a Saturday night Good for you a job well done.

Talk to your sponsor today and as corny as it sounds it is a new day and your made it though last night

Pam

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I'm so glad you made it home. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing right. It's one day at a time, and you made it through another one. Bankruptcy or not, you are a part of this forum, and I hope you'll keep posting for as long as you want to.

Sleep well, and call your sponsor in the morning.

Thinking of you.

[dina13]

I might be missing something, and I apologize in advance for my question, but what is the worst that can happen if you don't pay them? Are they some sort of criminals, or are they just threatening? And if they are criminals, couldn't police get involved?

They are thriving on your fear. But rationally, could and would they actually fulfill their threats?

I'm asking because I've had situations before, and bk was one of them, when I was afraid of the future, and then I asked myself: what's the worst that can happen? And then I realized that the worst is not as bad as my imagination made it seem.

[kathyc02124]

I don't want to be like this. I want a happy marriage and to be loved.

[kathyc02124]

A second job may seem like a good idea but Kathy is already putting in 20 hours of overtime at her current job. That is a second job and if she did take another part time job when would she be home? Sure the money would be helpful but she would be working herself to the bone in my opinion. I say just keep doing the overtime, meet with your sponsor and try to get on better terms with your husband.

All of this will take time but will be well worth it in the end.

I can't do no more.

[kathyc02124]

Disturbing anyone. how do they do that upper arrow when they make a mistake.

[kathyc02124]

oh my. I've read all of the above replies. I agree with everything that was said. I'm not doing well tonight, but give me a pat on the back because I am home and it is midnight on saturday and my husband is in chicago. I worked 4 hours over and then stopped off for a few drinks after work. And I know that is wrong because I am seeing double and I am heading for bed. I am finding an escape with evenings out after work. I could have called my sponsor and had coffee or I could go out and have drinks with single people from work that like to have fun on saturday nights. And saturday night fun is enhanced at foxwoods. 4 people chose to go there tonight from our drinking crowd, yet something told me not to join them. They tried to get me to go. But 3 of them staid behind and knew better I guess? Anyway, as clouded as my judgment was, I was very tempted. And right then I should have called my sponsor. But a friend that kind of knows of my gambling spent some time talking me into staying with her. She took me to another bar, just to get me away from all the others. we had another couple of drinks and then she told me to go home.
I'm let down now because I am realizing that I'm just taking up time here. drazil says it nice and clear, not only do I have to stop the gambling, but the drinking is a problem too. But then, the debt is a problem too. And I am not going to get out from under it. And that makes me want to drink more and forget my troubles and be with friends. And my head hurts. I know I am doing everything wrong. BUT. I maybe had too many drinks, but I am still in my home and not at foxwoods. But how do I face my husband. How do I pay my bills. How do I pay $400 a week to a mean bastard that threatens me every week if I don't pay him. I wish I could talk with my sponsor now. Why do I feel like talking to her more than my husband? It's after midnight and she told me I could call her day or night. Sometimes, it is therapy enough for me to just come on here and rant? You know? And this way, I
m not distributing anyone? No one wantes to be distributed at this time of night to talk to someone that has been drinking all night. But on here, it is ok. Although it takes 5 times as many key strokes to get it right. its ' probably time for me to go to bed. I am in my own bed tonight. We can work this out. I guess I am not filling bankruptcy so it is not an option now. So I rweally don[r have a reason to be here any longer. other than help.

[AngelinaCat]

Kathy. it is Saturday evening about 8:30 PM. How are you doing?

[Drazil65]

Angel, I agree with you 100% about the second job, the overtime and meeting with her sponsor should be more than enough to keep her busy (with some time to spend with hubby when he is home). My thought process is that if she has time to go out after work and have a few drinks with coworkers then she needs to keep busier. The drinking is not doing her any good and the temptation to go to the casino is very strong when she has a few. I say remove all and any temptation that you have control over, I am afraid cold turkey is the way to go at this point so you do what you have to do to accomplish it. Maybe replace the drinks with her sponsor and talking but drinking with the friends is one of the things that pushed her towards the casino from her earlier posts.

[angel7821]

A second job may seem like a good idea but Kathy is already putting in 20 hours of overtime at her current job. That is a second job and if she did take another part time job when would she be home? Sure the money would be helpful but she would be working herself to the bone in my opinion. I say just keep doing the overtime, meet with your sponsor and try to get on better terms with your husband.

All of this will take time but will be well worth it in the end.

[Drazil65]

Glad to see you are home with your husband even if things are not good between you. You know and understand how hurt he is so this is the walk you need to walk right now to earn his trust back eventually.

One thing I must say, it is time to drop the thought that you can chapter 7 or 13, you cannot on your own, period. I get the feeling that you still dream of ways to make this happen and that it will be your saving grace or make all your problems go away. It will not and you cannot, so maybe start dreaming of other ways to make this happen. You appear to be a smart girl that made some bad choices, you know this and no one thinks you are a bad person because of it. I believe deep down you understand that this is your mess and you need to crawl before you can walk. Right now those first baby steps have lead you to GA and you should/need to stick with it no matter what. That will be your life saving grace in the long run, not chapter 7.

Perhaps a second job in lieu of going out for drinks with coworkers would speed up the payment process and keep you from the temptation of visiting the casino once you start drinking (bad combination I'm afraid). This is a hard road you have chosen but each day spent talking to your sponsor and working hard to pay back these debts will make you so much stronger. Sometimes life makes us learn things the hard way so that you will make better choices in the future, no one likes to or wants to learn this way but so many need to.

You can do everything you can do to help your husband trust you again but as you know there are no guarantees. No matter what happens between the two of you ultimately the main focus right now needs to be on yourself. If you cannot be proud of yourself or love yourself then it will be impossible for someone to do it. You are on your way back up and your self esteem will come back with each step forward you make. Is it tough? Absolutely!!!! But at this point it needs to be so that you can appreciate the place you came from to where you ended up and the hard work you did to make it all happen.

[pamkev]

I agree with above posters you will tell your sponsor about your bigger problem and when you do it will be a freeing experience.

Cat is right about your hubby he is home with you. He is hurt and angry right now. One day you will need to tell him and you will know when that time is.

Pam

[AngelinaCat]

Pjmax got in ahead of my post. That is well.

I do wish to point this small fact to you:

Your husband is HOME with you. He may NOT be talking right now, and it may take days or weeks, but as long as he is HOME with you on his scheduled days to do that; he still loves you and wants everything to work out.

I suggest not pushing anything right now; just be home when he is home, and be as pleasant as you can be. Eventually, you both are going to have to sit down and talk. But I do not think this is the right time.

(I need to say that I am not a psychologist or anything like that. I am a Research Librarian/Archivist. But I have had a lot of time to observe people.)