file BK without spousal approval.

[ValleYum]

Kathy, I hope you are okay and you have locally found the help you need.

That said, I am closing this thread. If Kathy needs help she is free to open another thread.

[sophieanne]

I have to agree with Pandora and Angela Cat and Hub..this thread has been going on far too long. I too had a gambling problem before but I had to make the decision to stop and get my life in order. The sympathy for the OP has been interesting but the reality is you can't help someone who won't help themself. And I'm sorry but to be to the point where you've borrowed from Loan Sharks and are now endangering your husband (do you think he's immune to the danger of what you've done?) is inexcusable. The desire to go bankrupt is just a bandaid solution to a huge problem. You're looking for an easy out...you have to be honest and admit to your husband what you've done...i feel more sorry for him than I do for you. I'm not mean, you're just desperate right now and I don't think this is the answer. Personally i'm not even convinced this is a real person writing.

[Pjmax]

There is always a chance of someone putting something over on us, however, these things do happen to people, and as long as there is the slightest possibility that this is someone with real problems, in real trouble, I'll take that chance and listen, it's not too much to ask. Sometimes people have no where to turn, and find some friendly voices in what may seem an odd place.

Kathy, I hope you are allright.

[AngelinaCatHub]

I've been absent lately and for a long time, but I cannot believe the length of this thread. Sometimes a person just cannot be helped. The 'man-hours' spent on this client is shameful. It is my opinion that either this person will not listen, or is incapable to heed advice, or is duping us all, or has a mental problem.

This is why the adage of you can take a horse to water, but.......

In my opinion, this thread should be terminated. My 2 cents. 'Hub

[AngelinaCat]

I, too have been watching and wondering. I do hope that she is okay and is not contemplating something very foolish.

In my HO, I think she needs to 'fess up to her husband, who at this time still seems to be in the household--although away alot. They need to sit down and talk, scream, cry, and be honest with each other, and then see if they can/want to pick up the pieces of the relationship.

If they are honest with each other, then they need counseling to see what is wrong with the marriage that K feels she must drink and gamble. Only once she is honest with her husband and/or us can she sort this out.

[pamkev]

Pandora,
I see Kathy hasn't posted in a few days and I'm wondering has this all be a con game on us or she went back to gambling.

I hope it"s not either and she will post back here soon

[Pandora]

Okay, I've read this thread over and over again, haven't comment very much because I've been contemplating many things and have come to the conclusion of one of two things:

Either we're all being catfished (I certainly hope this isnt the case given people have invested time, energy and genuine care into this persons well being and welfare) OR

the OP is truthful - so giving the benefit of the doubt; this is going to sound harsh - however I'm a big believer in tough love, and it sounds like she needs a big old dose of it, so here goes.

Kathy:

No one can help you until you help yourself, period.

You have posted over and over again that you need help, you know your issues and according to you, you've found some help through several sponsors and meetings with GA, yet you cannot "come clean to your sponsors", however you can "come clean" to strangers of this internet forum and voice openly. If you can do it here, you can do it at a GA meeting.

You keep saying you are drinking, and heavily - perhaps you need to also join AA. As you have stated, drinking can fuel your gambling and cause you to make poor choices. If the people you hang around drink alot - then you need to change the scenery.

Marriage is hard work and honesty, once lost, is hard to get back. If you want your marriage to work, you must be honest with your husband. If he leaves or chooses to divorce you, then that is something you and he will have to deal with at that point in time. Again, there are marriage counselors that are experienced in dealing with these issues as well.

If you need to file BK to help alleviate the burden of unsecured debt, then do it. In doing so, it should / may possibly restructure your money in a way that you may be able to put it towards paying off those loan sharks you owe, and that is a good thing. Again, nothing can be solved by sticking your head in the sand or sitting behind a computer screen when there are meetings that should be happening in a brick and mortar building and face to face. I hope you get all the help you need - and can be honest with yourself and those around you. Until you do those things, nothing will change.

I certainly hope what you've written is the truth and you arent someone that is just catfishing people - every one of the posters that have responded to you are genuine, they care and have posted out of concern. If I offend anyone with what I've written, my apologies in advance and my personal apologies to the OP if all of this is true; however after about the fifth posting, I'm sorry but doubts began to creep in.

Back to the original question and post: Are you planning on filing for BK and have you even met with a lawyer?

[keepsmiling]

Smarter heads than mine have spoken. Just sending hugs and glad you are still with us. ((((hugs))))
People have come out from even worse situations than yours. YOU WILL BE OK. Just keep on keeping on. And stay out of the bars, ok? As much as you can. Find another way to unwind. Maybe yoga? Hot bubble bath? great music?

[ValleYum]

Drazil speaks with great wisdom in reply #104.

This could and *should* be your mantra right now.

We all care about you... let's get to work and fix this! It may not end exactly the way you want it to - but you would at least be free from booze and gambling. ::::hug::::

[pamkev]

No quick fixes I am afraid only a lot of hard work to climb out of that hole but not hopeless either (just a long climb). Call your sponsor and meet with him/her, no one can do this for you BUT you have people willing to listen to you. You need that right now.

You cannot fix things between you and your husband without fixing the main problems which do include the gambling, the drinking and the debt. Just do what you need to do and for how long you need to do it. You have to do this for yourself first then focus on your relationship, in the mean time your husband will have time to figure out what he needs to do as well. Unfortunately you do not have a lot of control over what he ends up doing in the long run but if you make strides in the right direction he may change his heart. Either way you have to do it, you really have no choice but to start at the beginning. Many have done it and succeeded and been better for it.

I agree with this post 100 percent. Kathy it will be hard but you can do this.

[Drazil65]

No quick fixes I am afraid only a lot of hard work to climb out of that hole but not hopeless either (just a long climb). Call your sponsor and meet with him/her, no one can do this for you BUT you have people willing to listen to you. You need that right now.

You cannot fix things between you and your husband without fixing the main problems which do include the gambling, the drinking and the debt. Just do what you need to do and for how long you need to do it. You have to do this for yourself first then focus on your relationship, in the mean time your husband will have time to figure out what he needs to do as well. Unfortunately you do not have a lot of control over what he ends up doing in the long run but if you make strides in the right direction he may change his heart. Either way you have to do it, you really have no choice but to start at the beginning. Many have done it and succeeded and been better for it.

[pamkev]

Kathy,
You may feel like you are the only one who has ever been in this mess. You are not. Talk to your sponsor and then talk some more.

Pam

[Pjmax]

Sorry, Kathy, I misunderstood, thought you had both payday and loan shark loans.

You are home again tonite. That's good. Did you talk to your sponsor today?

[kathyc02124]

I never meant for any of this to happen. I am so sorry. Yet the one I love cannot accept my apology for I have made this apology too many times. And each time, I mean it. I truly am so sorry. I hate who I am because of what I do to my husband. But I do it over and over.

[kathyc02124]

pj, it's more than a payday loan that I am talking about. And I probably shouldn't even mention anymore about it. It's the biggest part of my trouble. But I am here because I was hoping to take care a what I now see as a much smaller part of my trouble, and had hopes that if I could do the BK, I would then have money left to make the other payments. I actually have several dilemmas going on all at once. And I am starting to realize that it is hopeless. I've let my husband down too many times. Now I have really dragged him into a situation that he warned me not to drag him into. I had a serious gambling problem. I borrowed money from peter to pay paul and then got credit from paul to pay peter and played one against the other. And I owe a lot of money. I can't blame anyone. I knew what I was doing at the time. I ruined my credit, my husband's credit and my marriage so that I could have fun at the slot machines in atlantic city and foxwoods. The more I lost, the more they enticed me with free meals, free luxury rooms, free limo service. They don't offer that service if you are winning. I was offered suites, they threw birthday parties for me. They gave me tickets to any show I wanted to see. Front row seats. All I had to do was gamble for a couple of hours with my card in the machine. The offers kept rolling in. If I lost a lot of money, they gave me free offers. If I won a little bit of money, they gave me more offers to get me back. Either way they win. I'm thousands, upon thousands of dollars in debt because of them. And when it got so bad, the parasites come around and give you free drinks and treat you like a high roller. And they throw money at you. And you live the good life for awhile. Flowers, room service, spa services, all complimentary. An afternoon pedicure, facial and massage. How about we spend the afternoon looking for designer pocketbooks or shoes? Jeepers, there is no charge, just sign here, it will be delivered to your room. Well, all that comes to a stop at some point. Suddenly people and places want to get paid. And husbands who thought you were home when they were away, well, they find out a different side of you? And they get hurt.