Physically sick over situation?

[Bobby'sGirl]

Sighhhhh...

...stress relief for this nutritionist IS NOT an apple or salmon fillet --- definitely need some Rocky Road, and not the reduced fat version either.

But then I need to increase my other stress reliever, and anti-depression fix: brisk evening or early am walk. So not all bad!

[anonymuse]

Reduced fat = reduced fun

[jane taylor]

LOL, Anonymuse!!! Ben & Jerry are great guys! And I agree, reduced fat = reduced fun!

Seriously, since I've started exercising, I have so much more energy. I never believed that until I tried it. I love to cook and eat and have always hated to exercise. Now I am having fun with it.

[anonymuse]

I've got a new means of commuting--a vanpool (what a relief--no more driving 30 minutes just to get to the bus, now it's only a 3 mile drive to the pick-up point). Where I get dropped off is 1/2 mile from work so at least I'm ensured a mile of walking a day.

But that mile won't make up for the pint of BJs I ate last night--chocolate chip cookie dough! Please, I don't need a nutrition lecture--I just had one of those days.

[jane taylor]

No lecture from me, the Queen of Soul Food!! And the calories don't count when used for "medicinal purposes!!"

[dano100]

My wife seen an ad in last nights newspaper for a shipping and receiving clerk at a local warehouse, a job we feel she is qualified for. She had to go to the local Job and Family Services office to apply. The lady there was impressed with her resume and ask her to come back to take a mathematics test at 2:30 tomorrow.

She also told her there was a full time position available at the Job and Family Services office for a driver to transport people to their jobs in another town each day and they provide a brand new van to do it.

Although both of these jobs pay less than her previous job (and her unemployment) we hope she will be offered one of them. Just having the certainty of knowing you have a stable job will bring us a little piece of mind.

Please say a little prayer for us..........

[SinkingFast]

My wife seen an ad in last nights newspaper for a shipping and receiving clerk at a local warehouse, a job we feel she is qualified for. She had to go to the local Job and Family Services office to apply. The lady there was impressed with her resume and ask her to come back to take a mathematics test at 2:30 tomorrow.

She also told her there was a full time position available at the Job and Family Services office for a driver to transport people to their jobs in another town each day and they provide a brand new van to do it.

Although both of these jobs pay less than her previous job (and her unemployment) we hope she will be offered one of them. Just having the certainty of knowing you have a stable job will bring us a little piece of mind.

Please say a little prayer for us..........

Sending good thoughts your way, Dano. And lifting prayers up on high as well!

[AMISLANDER]

I get physically tired from ...

...hearing my mom complain about how if I hadn't done cocaine & spent all my money...she could be living in a better fashion...oh...the blame... I'm like wait a minute....

...she is almost 81...feels the neighbor next door is coming into her home and stealing her wash cloths, towels, dog's toys, letters, paperwork..you name it...her last doctor put down that she has the beginning markers of dementia...

she's also been diagnosed with some bipolar issues...and her front door is a crackhead's dream...5 yes, FIVE Medeco locks...

If I disagree and tell her she's misplacing things...she says I never am on her side...this behavior has been going on for years but has intensified since my stepfather died back in 2001...

She does have a trustee and yes, she is at an age where I know shes just tired of cooking, cleaning..her house is always spotless...but, of course, I was never there to help her...taking her out on the weekend does not count, anything I've done doesn't matter in her mind...just what "someone" is doing to her...mutilating her home/pool/things...it is very hard to hear about what has a scratch on it "today"...she's find w/her money, but she thinks the neighbor next door has cameras on her & comes in and hides things on her....I have no idea how to handle this....

...she hates my boyfriend...he's tried to help her, but no one can do anything right for her....gave me $ for my tires, now wants it back..I was SO reluctant to take her check...thank god I didn't spend it...and I'm going to write her one back...and make a copy of it so when she says I didn't pay her back, I have proof.....I hate this.

[Minnymouth]

Amislander,
I don't know how old you are, but from the description of your situation with your mother and her age..... let me "welcome" you to "how to take care of your parents as they age"..................

You are fixing to enter into a world completely different from anything you have ever known before.... Full of questions, situations, and many decisions to make in the future.

This is world that you do not want to enter unless you are prepared to do so..... being prepared means being knowledgeable about the situtation at hand and being prepared to give up your own life as you know it now.... until in the future when you can claim it back.....

As in your case most mothers and daughters do not see eye to eye about things most of the time anyways, and this time of their lives can be very stressful to both parties.

Mothers age and daughters grow up...... but mothers never forget that they are mothers (makes no difference how old you get)..... Mother still trys to use that "motherly voice and opinion".....

I always told my mom that she created this monster - this is what she got - and she can't go back and change it all now...... NO RE-DO'S.....TOO LATE.

Many years ago I worked with the elderly under a govt. program.... I had to attend classes (gernatology) on aging and the aging process at the college level. I learned the process and cycles that the elderly go thru as they age and learned what to expect as each cycle passed.

It was very useful to me in taking care of my bedridden mom the last 4 years of her life.....

You will see many, many changes in your parents as they age...... some will be gradually, and some instantly (such as stroke, heart attack). Strong, independent, hardworking parents will gradually become feeble, dependent on you, and uncertain of their futures and their lives. The aging process also will scare them...... they are loosing control of their lives gradually and can do nothing about it..... Some loose control of their bodies and sadly some loose control of their minds also......

Its sad to look at your parent that can no longer walk or feed themselves. Its even sadder to look into their eyes and know they don't know who you are anymore.....

You will look into their eyes and see happiness, sadness, and a distant look that was never there before.....

Many parents are very critical of offspring..... they fear they will make the same mistakes that they did in their lives..... Some are just plain ole jealous! Jealous of all their offspring have done with their lives and all the things they may have.... that they didn't.....

Understanding it all is very hard............ accepting it is even harder.....
But if you do............. it will make their remaining days and your days with them and lot easier......

I have been there and done it...... and I don't envy any of you that have that in your future or the decisions that you might have to make regarding it.

Plan wisely, read a lot about it, and be prepared.......

Just something I wanted to "share" today........

Minny

[AMISLANDER]

I'm 44 years young!!!!

...and thank you for that precious advice...

I do my best to try & be patient and understand...

...some days are better than others...I don't regret that I had to go back to work because I blew my cash...I love my job..glad to be out & about...I just might need to find a support group on this one...

As with everyone here, I have my ups & downs, but I've made such an effort to be a better person, bankrupted or not.....that's why this forum is a lifesaver!

I don't know how I would have gotten this far in the process without all the online support from people who understand!

Thank you!

[Minnymouth]

Aimslander,

You are not alone with problem, many others have the same situation and are facing the same problems.

How you confront them and deal with them will help a whole lot.......

And yes, its very hard........ believe me..... I've done my "time" of closing the door, going outside and crying my heart out...... because I felt like I couldn't handle it.....

But it's amazing what you can do in life...........when you find the right way..... and use the right tools............. and confront it head-on.....

So hang in there, get all your ducks in a row, see what your up against and get your game-plan ready and lined up.......

And your future will be a lot better and so will hers....

[Minnymouth]

I'm sure there are several support groups online in dealing with aging parents... that might prove to be very helpful....

Working is good for you...... keeps the mind and the body active.....

And yes (how well I know), its extremely hard to start all over again..... but I am and its a struggle as you well know....

Take each day as it comes, count your blessings, and look forward to what tomorrow might bring. And also do a little "wishful thinking" once in a while, its good for the soul....

And yes - patience is a "major key" to opening the door in your future......

Come chat with us when your feeling down, or times get tough.... some of us have been there in that same spot and made it thru it.......

And yes, everyone needs a shoulder to cry and gripe on once in a while....

We are here for you....................

[lrprn]

Your frustration and guilt is so understandable and very normal, Amislander. Both of my relatively young parents (68 and 70) passed away in the last five years due to lung cancer (my mom) and emphysema (my dad) - both were slow and torturous deaths. My husband's father had severe Alzheimer's and finally passed away two years ago. Lots of caretaking went on for all three parents by all of the children, and since I'm a registered nurse, guess who everyone in both families turned to for anything remotely medical?

There's a wonderful book that really helped me find some perspective, especially with with my husband's dad - it's called "Caring for the Parents Who Cared for You: What to Do When an Aging Parent Needs You" by Kenneth P. Scileppi. Amazon has used and new copies from third party sellers for very little - check out http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listi...562410?ie=UTF8

Hang in there - there will be good days and bad days with your mom, but try to keep in mind that no matter how awful she might be to you now and how angry and guilty she makes you feel, you will miss her when she's gone. Do what you can to honor the time you still have together while she is here to be a part of it. (And thanks for listening.)

[SinkingFast]

I'm right there with you Amis.

78 year old Mother who's in renal failure, growing weaker by the day. And she lives with us.

I can totally identify with the "Somebody stole....... " stuff. I will physically have to find things that Mom is sure were taken by mysterious somebodies.

The last house was great because Mom had her own space to live, eat, sleep when she wanted. But our girls had to share the shower in her bath. That was a nightmare. The girls are pigs. Teenagers always are. And boy did we hear about "the wet towels all over the floor!" Now that's a trip hazard for Mom so I have to fuss at the girls to be sure and pick up after themselves.

Moving to this Condo has been great in a different sense. We gave Mom the MBR. It's on the main floor so Mom doesn't have to deal with the stairs at all. She has her own private bath. Son runs downstairs and uses her bath to shower and shave and such. He hates sharing a bath with the girls. They are pigs, he says. Mom doesn't mind son. He's neat and clean. Always hangs up his towels. So no more bathroom fights. Phew!

It's always something with older folk. Some days are good. She feels good. We get out and shop. Other days aren't so good. She'll say she doesn't need anything, but her eyes tell a different story. She doesn't go because she doesn't feel up to it.

Minny,.......... Thanks for the suggestion to look for a support group on line. I think I'll do that. If we find a good one, Amis, let's be sure and let the other one know.

[Kam]

Please count your blessings that you have parents who are still alive.

I was 12 years old when my dad passed away December 28 from a heart attack. My mother, unable to cope with the loss of her husband, drank heavily. One day, she was lying in a back bedroom and asked for a biscuit. I soaked that biscuit in some beer and threw it at her, saying, "here *****, I hope you die!" Three days later she committed suicide, almost five months to the day that my father passed. I was 13.

A year later I lost my first foster mom to alcoholism. I was 14. My foster dad remarried and 16 years later lost his second wife to complications of diabetes. I was 30 and had just delivered my second child. Five years later my foster dad died of a heart attack while sturgeon fishing on the Columbia River. He was discovered five days later. I was 35.

Of all the deaths, the one I regret the most is my mother's. I wish to this very day that I could take back the words I said. I've lived my entire adult life with this burdeon of guilt. You all are so fortunate to have known and loved your parents. You really don't know how lucky you all are!