Wish there weren't so many snarky people.

[momof5]

Support and sympathy are wonderful things but some posters just do not get some things and maybe as Mike states, a little "tough love" never hurt anyone.

I think by the time we all end up here, posting about our situation, contemplating or already in the bk process, tough love just doesnt make sense.

[Flamingo]

I think by the time we all end up here, posting about our situation, contemplating or already in the bk process, tough love just doesnt make sense.

We've all seen the posters on here who think, right after filing or discharge, they can jump right on back in, get lots of credit and run up the cards again, get that brand spanking new car, etc...no matter WHAT you tell them! After a while, they realize what they were told on here was true. Reality for some just takes a while longer to hit.

[Cali]

That is so true. I guess some have to actually experience it in order to believe it.

We've all seen the posters on here who think, right after filing or discharge, they can jump right on back in, get lots of credit and run up the cards again, get that brand spanking new car, etc...no matter WHAT you tell them! After a while, they realize what they were told on here was true. Reality for some just takes a while longer to hit.

[Flamingo]

By the way to the OP - I just love your word "snarky"!!! Very creative...watch that someone doesn't use it now for the name of a racehorse or something like that! :-)

[AngelinaCatHub]

I agree with the above posts. It grits at me a bit, those who are asking after bk, when can they use those credit cards again. For the most, it is what got them into the problem first place. Mortgage your future for things now, that break, wear out, and the bill goes on and on. IF I get out of my mess, it will be cash only. Why endenture yourself to another? My opinion. 'Hub

[Stilltheone]

I understand what ya'll are saying, but BK is no picnic, and neither is the discharge. Its 7-10 years of cleaning up your credit. I have already admitted what a complete loser I am for letting myself get in this situation. I'm not talking about others, but myself as I've stated before. I'm not out to beat up anyone but damn, I wish someone would of beat up on me before i made a mess out of my life and shook me until I realized how stupid I am....yes, tough love works, and I wish someone would of given it to me. Being nice doesn't get you many places these days, unfortunately. Thanks all for being tough on me..I deserve it, and I can take it. ~Mike

I have to say that if someone, 6-8 months ago, would've "beaten me up" about my credit card debt, I would've told them to take a flying leap. 6-8 months ago, before my bk filing, I don't think I *got it*...about what my debt was doing to me. And if someone, such as yourself, would've pointed it out to me, I probably wouldn't have cared. *I* needed to see it, *I* needed to learn, FOR MYSELF, what accruing this debt can and will do to me.

Before I filed bk, I didn't think twice about charging anything and everything. I didn't care. I lived in the "buy now, pay later" mentality. But, BECAUSE I've filed bk, I have learned that this is not the way to live. I don't think I would've learned that WITHOUT filing.

Did I make any sense at all or did I just ramble?

[jerzey]

LOL, too f-ing funny

someone got it

[Flamingo]

I have to say that if someone, 6-8 months ago, would've "beaten me up" about my credit card debt, I would've told them to take a flying leap. 6-8 months ago, before my bk filing, I don't think I *got it*...about what my debt was doing to me. And if someone, such as yourself, would've pointed it out to me, I probably wouldn't have cared. *I* needed to see it, *I* needed to learn, FOR MYSELF, what accruing this debt can and will do to me.

Before I filed bk, I didn't think twice about charging anything and everything. I didn't care. I lived in the "buy now, pay later" mentality. But, BECAUSE I've filed bk, I have learned that this is not the way to live. I don't think I would've learned that WITHOUT filing.

Did I make any sense at all or did I just ramble?

Makes TOTAL sense!

[Minnymouth]

Great Debate Folks.........

Old members and new members all have one thing in common..... they have are or going to file bankruptcy........... and it all begins with DEBT.....

The importance of this forum is to HELP folks who are filing learn the process and guide lines ahead of time, guide them thru it, and help them develop future habits to keep this from every happening again to them, if possible.

Yes, bankrutpcy stays on your credit report for 7-10 years but usually after 2years you can once again buy a home, etc.... with a good interest rate etc....

Life will return to normal and what you have learned here will determine whether you are back again filing in a few years.

Filing bankruptcy is a personal business decision each of us makes. What causes us to file can be overspending, careless use of credit cards, gambling, medical bills, job loss, etc. Doesn't matter what the reason, it's all in the "same boat"........ everyone paddles his own canoe!!!

Most people feel really bad about filing bankruptcy, they feel guilty, ashamed, and extremely bad because they have "cheated" someone out of money that they intended to pay back in good faith.

So many emotions arise during bankruptcy..... anger, sadness, ashamed, shocked, scared, and nerve wrecked. People have nerve problems, marital problems, and many have panic attacks they deal with. Many don't know where to start, what to do, or how to solve their problem.

THAT'S WHAT THIS FORUM IS FOR............. TO HELP......... help understand bankruptcy and how it works, why you should never be ashamed or upset because you have to file. Its really just a business decision that sometimes we may have to make in order to straighten our lives back out to normal.

I would much rather see someone file bankruptcy then lie, cheat, or steal to solve their financial problem......

Some of us old timers (me included) here on the forum often answer a question with a short and sweet, too the point blunt answer. (Of course, I am the "windy one", lol!!!!!)

When a member is whining and crying about their situation, we often tell them them to "suck it up", throw out your crying towel, and make the necessary changes to solve the problem......

Yes, you can call it "tough love" if need be..... sometimes it's needed to make someone see, that everybody has the same problem here, their not alone in how they feel, and what they are experiencing and what their up against when they file bankruptcy.

Believe me, us old timers, have our hearts and minds in our answers to your questions, and we have your best interest at heart... Sometimes we may not show as much compassion as you all might expect us too..... We'll let you "cry" for a little while, then its time to "buck up" and take care of the problems and get your life back to normal..

We're here to listen, offer suggestions and advice, and give you some guidelines to help you thru the process.

We'll even "hold your hand" if necessary, and listen to you whine. BUT WE DON'T BLOW YOUR NOSE FOR YOU!!!

At the end of it all, it's YOU who has the problem, YOU who has to accept and take responsibility for it, and YOU who has to make the decisions about your future and how it will be years down the road.

All we can do is guide you and wish you the best!!!

[momof5]

I have to say that if someone, 6-8 months ago, would've "beaten me up" about my credit card debt, I would've told them to take a flying leap. 6-8 months ago, before my bk filing, I don't think I *got it*...about what my debt was doing to me. And if someone, such as yourself, would've pointed it out to me, I probably wouldn't have cared. *I* needed to see it, *I* needed to learn, FOR MYSELF, what accruing this debt can and will do to me.

Before I filed bk, I didn't think twice about charging anything and everything. I didn't care. I lived in the "buy now, pay later" mentality. But, BECAUSE I've filed bk, I have learned that this is not the way to live. I don't think I would've learned that WITHOUT filing.

Did I make any sense at all or did I just ramble?

Thats the point I was trying to make. Some may call it tough love. Some may call it helping. My kids would call it harping and just tune me out.

I tend to think that to point out a persons mistakes as to why they have to file BK before they actually file is useless especially if they state that they already know the reason.(clearly in some instances) They certainly know what situation they are in and how dire it is. Such as those that post they have a gambling problem and are directed to the nearest psychiatrist. If I was new here and read that I would probably just assume this site is full of people who are looking to give their personal opinions on a persons pre BK issues. Of course that does not happen very often.

Now if someone comes on here and says.." I filed BK..cannot wait to start charging my life away again, when can I start using my cards again.etc." thats a whole different story. We should all jump in and hopefully redirect them.Gently at first as it is always a possibility that they really just do not understand the whole BK process and what it means. Thats when the people of this site can really help. They can offer their own experiences and the facts about BK.
The idea is not to scare people away because we dont understand or dont agree with how they used to live. Each and every one of us is different. We all have different life experiences to share. I would only offer my support to someone who had a gambling problem that led them here because I know nothing about it. Just as I would hope that people who know nothing about job loss would not offer me advice on how to find a job.

MajorMike admits HE THINKS he is a major loser for HIS situation. I just dont think his type of tough love works. I understand his thinking behind it but again by the time people get to this site they are way past the needing prebk toughness...they are needing the positive support and direction that seems to come in abundance here!

[Cali]

Snarky is a word, I've used most of my adult life. I haven't heard it used much in the states though.

By the way to the OP - I just love your word "snarky"!!! Very creative...watch that someone doesn't use it now for the name of a racehorse or something like that! :-)

[$$only4ever]

Here is my two cents. When I filed bankruptcy in 2005, I originally was in another forum. What a nightmare that forum was. The mods on that site were sooooo condescending and rude. Talk about kicking you when you are down. I found this site in May 2005 and was so impressed with the advice that I received. Everyone was so patient with my endless "silly questions."

I agree with Flamingo. This is one of the best forums that deals with bankruptcy.

P.S. I hope that no one has ever taken offense to any of my posts.

[goingout]

Snark has been around for some time on the internet from my experience. Don't know about before then. Back then I think we just called it biting sarcasm.

I wanted ask that old timers be patient with some of us newer posters. I know for myself, a lot of my posts are at times when I'm feeling quite desperate and emotional. Yes, I can search on my own for an answer to a question, but a lot of the time I find my search only gives me some input into my issue and I want more. However, if you think an answer is succinctly addressed by a previous post, a link may also be helpful. In addition, I find when I'm upset it's also helpful to "talk" my way through a problem and to get insight on that.

I think debates on the ethics of filing are of value. I think many of us struggle with this. I think, however, it is important to remember to respect another's point of view. Also, I think it's important to keep in mind that board like this tend to draw a very diverse crowd and we need to keep that in mind. That diversity can lead to misunderstandings, but it can also be a great resource. So, it's important I think too, to take a step back at times when you may feel offended by something.

As far as tough love is concerned, I do think bluntness is a good thing. But, I think when a poster is belittled that is not productive. Rarely does anyone learn from that sort of thing.

[southernbelle]

I agree with the positive sentiments stated by all of you. Bankruptcy is a scary thing and what I've learned is to live my life without repeating the same mistakes that got me into this mess in the first place. I've been coming to this site since last summer and this is the best thing to happen to me. Most of what I've learned about BK has come from knowledgeable and patient people that have shared their experiences, listened to me ramble and comforted me when I needed the support.

I think even though we have a very eclectic group of people with varying levels of patience, I still think this is the best source of BK information on the web today. I've visited many sites and have found that people either don't have anything constructive to share and rip you to shreds or just flat out don't know what they are talking about.

I wouldn't trade this forum for anything and thank God for it since I don't have much family and feel open to share how I'm feeling and what I'm going through with people that understand. Like a previous poster said, this is a common place of acceptance for those of us that are scared and broke.

With that being said, I truly understand the personality querks some of us may have, but our differences are what make us great. If we were all the same, imagine how boring life would be, so blunt or not, I appreciate you all and the mod's on this forum are awesome. Without you guys this forum wouldn't be what it is today.

[epiphany]

I wanted ask that old timers be patient with some of us newer posters. I know for myself, a lot of my posts are at times when I'm feeling quite desperate and emotional. Yes, I can search on my own for an answer to a question, but a lot of the time I find my search only gives me some input into my issue and I want more. However, if you think an answer is succinctly addressed by a previous post, a link may also be helpful. In addition, I find when I'm upset it's also helpful to "talk" my way through a problem and to get insight on that.

I understand your position but please consider the following:

The moderators, and some old timers, have many posts to monitor and answer to when they feel an OP has been steered the wrong way (and they are very good about correcting the course when need be). It's an enormous undertaking. To take the time to consider how to "tactfully" respond to each and every post is not a luxury that they have. Often, they just respond with the answer to your question or steer you to where you may find it with no niceties whatsoever. That may seem crude but it is completely helpful and they do it for us. I think it's damn nice of complete strangers who care about the outcome of my BK enough to want to help me out.

As for others who may respond to your questions or comments with rudeness, blow them off because they don't matter. But I would like to mention, that inflections are often difficult to read in a post. Sometimes you may be mistaking what is intended to be an honest, helpful comment for biting sarcasm. Take the time to read the comment again (and again and again if necessary) before reacting. If you (and by you, I don't mean YOU, but you can see by this aside that I felt the need to qualify that---the mods and gurus don't have time for that) decide that it is really a hateful comment, think about whether or not you really care enough to react...if you sit on it for a while, you might will decide it's not worth it.

And no matter what is printed here, it definitely is not worth working yourself up over. Ignore the irrelevant.

This is a great forum. And I am truly blessed to have found it at the onset of my BK.

NOW BUCK UP! Just kidding. I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck to you.

ep