file BK without spousal approval.

[keepsmiling]

And you are correct. You CAN still file for bk.
You just have to do it together.
Because you are married and the credit is in both names.

Except... even that might not help you, because your particular creditors don't sound like they operate like banks. They probably don't care about things like 60-day stays, credit reports, cease and desist letters, fdcpa violations......
And now that gentle reprimand.... time to face reality. Did you speak to hubby yet? Get yourself to GA yet? if not do it today!!!

[kathyc02124]

"there's no instant fix here..." Then what is the bankruptcy law for? I thought when a person has no where else to turn, this was a last resort. But it just doesn't work out. Thank you for trying. I guess it isn't meant to be.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, I'm so sorry for you. I've spent most of the day trying to figure out the best way to reply. I still think you need to get to GA. I would imagine DH can no longer trust your promises to never do it again. You are going to have to prove yourself. You are in a desperate situation and frame of mind, and that increases the chances of making rash decisions. Get to those meetings and keep going. You need the support of those who understand what you are going through to keep you straight, and DH needs to see you are taking steps to conquer your problem.

Most BK attorneys offer free initial consults, so maybe you and DH should make a few appointments and discuss the situation. You will probably hear the same answers you've heard here about filing on your own.

Who is currently in charge of paying the bills, working out a budget? Under the circumstances, you should be doing it together. You also need to give up the credit cards now. Hand over your paychecks to DH if that's what it takes to earn his trust. Live on an allowance for awhile, a few months, a year, whatever it takes.

There is no instant fix here, and on your income alone without help, you will be paying off that debt for years. Trying to figure out how to BK and instantly free up some of your CC payments to pay the loan sharks isn't going to work. DH is in this whether he wants to be or not. His money and share of everything is in jeopardy. You have to work this out between you, with a counselor if that will help.

Now, stop beating yourself up over this. What you've done in the past is done. What is important now, is what you do from here on. I do hope you and DH can work through this together, if it's successful, your marriage will just be stronger.

My thoughts are with you.

[kathyc02124]

I'm embarrassed to say this but I owe a lot of money to people that I never should have borrowed money from. They are no companies but other people in the business of fronting money freely at very high return rates. So they have to be paid before I can pay anything else. I really don't want to say much more about that. Just suffice to say there is no money to pay a credit card payment. I had a dream that all could be ok if I could file BK and get rid of all those payments, that would have made it bearable. When a credit card company calls and tries to put pressure on me to make a payment it's actually nice to hear a somewhat friendly voice on the other end of the phone. That should tell you what my social life is like right now. The other people looking for a payment, well, they don't "ask" for it. So they are paid first.

[Pjmax]

Nicely said, Hub!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Kathy, there are worse vises than gambling. Our god-daughter has a drug problem (coke) and a lot more damaging in many ways. Your pseudo-family here has and will give you good advice. Whether you take any is your call. My two cents now is this: As you were advised to do, turn over all your cards, check books, etc. cut up to hubby. Talk to him and do NOTHING behind his back. He is expecting now to see what you are going to do on your own behalf (I am putting myself into his place as to what I would do). ASK him if you can use 100% of your income from YOUR job in a pay down attempt of your current bills. Take the smallest first and work up. Talk to your card companies and pay the minimum on each but pay as much as you are able to to the smallest account, double payment if you can. Keep doing this as best you can until one by one the account become zero. Making this heroic effort will be noticed as good faith by your hubby. Don't make more of this than what it is, but this MUST be your last time. You can lick this sickness and yes it is a sickness the same as dope to others. We all have an addiction of sorts, but those that do not damage us can be normal. Your addiction is damaging your marriage, peace of mind, economical security, and mental health. Some people are addicted to chocolate cake. It may work out for them but to some, even chocolate cake could kill.

We are all rooting for you and are proud that you have been candid with us. I really don't believe you need a bankruptcy. I believe you could work with your creditors and they would rather work with you than lose your money. The important thing is to get that habit behind you and time will fix it. 'Hub

[keepsmiling]

Your dh has to understand... it is, in fact, his problem, since his name is on the cards.
Step One- tear up cc's NOW.
Step Two... get to GA.
Step Three... counselors/attorneys.
All in rapid succession.
I wonder if you might want to try hypnosis for your compulsion? It may be helpful and couldn't hurt.
Even if you got divorced--- and I am not wishing this on you... the problem would STILL be his. Any leg-breaking (just kidding) ,lawsuits, effect on credit score, or garnishment will be done to him as well as you.
He needs help to see this clearly, which is just one good reason to get him to the appointments with you.
It's a shame that he raided his retirement account and then didn't insist that you get some professional help for your problem. Not everyone understands how hard it is to control an addiction.

There is a possibility,if these were illegal payday loans.... that you could get them discharged based on illegality. Any chance that's the case?

As you can see, the more you tell us, the better we can help you.

[Pjmax]

Kathy, thanks for being honest, I'm sure it's hard for you. You are among friends, and there are others here with gambling issues.

Are you in GA? That should be the first step, you are going to need help to kick this and resist the temptation to relapse. Solving your financial issue is not going to happen until you deal with your addiction. I say this with love and concern.

Who do you owe money to? Payday loans? Or, did you run up the debt on your joint credit cards? If C7 isn't an option for you, and it sounds like it isn't, if you could share some more info, maybe someone can help you figure out how best to deal with it.

[kathyc02124]

I had a gambling problem. I ran up large debts. He took money out of his retirement funds to bail me out. Not once, but twice. Each time he warned me that I was getting in trouble and he would not help me again. Then, again I got into more trouble. Now he will not help me. And I don't blame him. I am ok with that. I understand what I did. And I want to come straight. But he said he will not bail me out again for I must learn this on my own. The problem is, I cannot get a chapter 7 due to is income?

[AngelinaCatHub]

It is good that you are accepting responsibility. But, your husband is not blameless. He agreed to joint accounts and allowed the charges to continue even after bailing you out in the past. He needs to accept his part in this so you can work together on a solution. If he just lets it be your problem, as justified as he may be, he will be affected. If he is so fed up that he is unwilling to work with you, you may need marriage counseling before attorney consultations.

Perhaps a good first step would be to cut up all of your credit cards and give the pieces to your husband.

LOL! VERY good point. 'Hub

[LadyInTheRed]

we are not on the same page at all regarding this. Without going into too much detail, I have run up some high debt and he has bailed me out a few times and the last time was the last time he will help me. He is not the bad guy. This is my fault. I've caused him a lot of stress. I'm on my own to find a way out. And he is very concerned about his credit being hurt and he didn't do anything to deserve this. I've made a mess of our lives.

I know I need to speak to an attorney, but I want to learn as much as I can beforehand. I had hopes I could do this on my own but the more I read, the more I see that my husband will be drawn into this and that is what I am trying to avoid. The mortgage is in both names, as are both cars. Most of our credit cards are in both names. When he would try to do things in his name in the past, I felt left out and insisted on joint accounts.
I know I have done wrong. I want to make everything right. I thought my last resort was always BK and now I am realizing that it's not going to be the easy answer?

It is good that you are accepting responsibility. But, your husband is not blameless. He agreed to joint accounts and allowed the charges to continue even after bailing you out in the past. He needs to accept his part in this so you can work together on a solution. If he just lets it be your problem, as justified as he may be, he will be affected. If he is so fed up that he is unwilling to work with you, you may need marriage counseling before attorney consultations.

Perhaps a good first step would be to cut up all of your credit cards and give the pieces to your husband.

[pamkev]

Hi Kathy,
You have gotten excellent advice already here.

Let me tell you a little of my hubby and I experience while not the same in some ways he still was angry when I approach him with the BK Idea.
I was the one in charge of the money paying the bills etc all was well until I started having medical issues and that was also the same time when the economy went south and his hours were cut at work. Instead of going to him I started the robbing Peter to pay Paul routine didn't help dug ourselves in deeper.

Feb 2012 I finally went to him with the BK idea he was angry at first and wanted nothing to do with it. I made lawyer appointments and he went along with me. This really opened up a honest talk about money where he saw he was also part of the problem, he is the shopper in the family,I am not.

All that to say it has brought us to be closer and honest with ourselves. We learned to live on cash only even though we have 1 credit card between us that is used and gets paid off right away. We now have savings that if a emergency comes up we have the money to paid for it.

Please know you have support here and among friends

Pam

[AngelinaCatHub]

PJmax and KS are right. After BK, you will HAVE to learn cash only. Impress hubby by practicing as of NOW as if you cannot pay for it today, you cannot afford it at all. Actually, you need to separate your "wants" from your "needs" and only buy the needs. Since our 7, we have only used a debit card that will not work once we exceed our budget. A good "insurance" is to fold up a 100 dollar bill into your wallet and forget about it as an insurance in the event you cannot pay for your meal or the card locks up. This is called "self control". It is difficult and needs to be practiced daily. Love in God to you and yours. 'Hub

[Pjmax]

Hi Kathy, welcome. Sorry about your situation, I feel for you. The $48,000 debt, is it on your joint credit cards, or is this something separate? I can understand that your husband may not want to bail you out again, but if it is on your joint cards, he can't just pay his charges and leave yours and expect it not to affect him. If you have incurred this debt because of a shopping problem, you really should consider counseling. Please understand this is not a judgement thing, just trying to help.

I would suggest you also consider closing all your joint cards. Any cards you keep open should be in his name only. Don't think of this as a being 'left out.' At least the situation won't get any worse. Work on a budget for yourself. How much can you pay on your debt every month? If you were to file BK, you would have to learn to live on a cash basis anyway, so why not do this while you work through the big problem of how and why you got into debt?

Lots of good folks on this site that will help you, even if you just need a shoulder to lean on.

[keepsmiling]

You need to stop blaming yourself. That is not helpful to anyone... and ya know what? Marriage takes two. If he had to "bail you out" a few times than he could have been working with you to get you help if you needed it.
Anyway, make some phone calls tomorrow one way or tother. You are going to need a little extra support to get through this.
PLEASE stay in touch here and let us know how and what you are doing.