Told my wife

[AngelinaCatHub]

BK forum.... What the heck? I had no idea when joining this forum that I would be in the presence of rockstars. No just those who have more or less been where you are now. Thank you for all of your words and feelings. I made it 24 hours! It's amazing when you have no one to talk to (called crisis line. No joke dude said we don't handle financial crisis only suicide and hung up) what your mind will do. I cried out to my savior for the first time in years. Better late than never. Perhaps he is helping now? I spent hours on my knees last night. Asking for help and strength. Here we are. You are now demonstrating strength.


I realize I'm on day 2 of a huge climb. But, I can and will do it. And you are.

My wife asked me to leave last night so for those wondering why I was at a hotel, there ya go. I have not heard from her and I can't control how she chooses to react to this. I'm extremely out of my head sorry for putting her through this. Your only fault was letting it get away from you and not communicating. You and she have a communication problem, not a financial problem. You will cure the financial part. You both must fix the rest.

With that said I CAN CONTROL. What my mind and body does from here. I will choose to not let this define me. I am greater then a bankruptcy. I will get my life back. Yes you will, and your wife.

Thanks again you guys. Now it's study time.

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives."

My friend call your wife it's time to talk...or frankly it may be time for you to also talk to divorce atty At 27, this is not the most disastrous time they both will face. Look at the times we are living in. - but it's time to talk - it takes 2 to tango, and she's not 100% innocent of this so to speak. Maybe she needed a bit of time to take a deep breath and process. If she cannot, there was more to this marriage that went wrong than a financial calamity.

:-) Take it from me...don't make any excuses - it is what it is...but CALL HER!!!!!! Yes, and take control as you promised.

Son, your case is not atypical. We have read this before. This is why those of us who are here, some still in the struggle, some who have gone past it, but stay, stay to help people such as you.

Not only that, consider, by your own posts, how many read and do not post? How many people are you helping by your own story and those who contribute to aiding yourself. Realize, your posts may be helping those going through the same turmoil.
'Hub

Hebrews 13:2

[oregonpilot]

Thanks JB and AC for pointing us to the new thread. I totally missed the new thread.
I woke up last night thinking about Blackg and was worried about him.

Hang in here with us Bg ....

[DesdemonaB]

Blackgoose


Unless your wife can not add or subtract; she had a clue, she probably just didn’t know the total amount.

While you did not have open and honest communication during your courtship/engagement/marriage you need to start now and that requires two people.

She’s angry and is allowed to be, but for the better good of the family unit she needs to put that aside and focus on what needs to be done, this is her future too.

In case of divorce Utah is not a community property state but they are an 'equitable distribution of property' state, if the parties can't agree, the property will be distributed in an equitable fashion. The court could include an order specifying which party is responsible for the payment of joint debts, obligations, or liabilities of the parties contracted or incurred during marriage.

Which could spell bad news for your wife, the CC debt might be in your name but your lawyer can argue she benefited from the use and she could be stuck with ½ the 30K (in Utah any debt accrued prior to marriage is the sole responsible of the single debtor). If you remain married and file for bankruptcy she would not be responsible for anything, unless she is a co-signer on any of the debt.

Because BK doesn’t happen overnight, you can use this time to regroup both emotionally and financially.




Of course please consult with both a BK and divorce lawyer as I am not a lawyer I just really like Google.

[AlmostAmos]

BG - Thanks for checking back in. Take this entire mess a step at a time & don't worry about it so much. Keep this in mind - it is ONLY money. You will look back at this later in life & it will seem so small. Talk to your wife. This is not all your fault. Sure, you had the credit piling up and were not telling her. But, clearly, she was not involved in your finances as much as she should have been. Keep your finances a joint thing and you will both be happier in the long run. You won't have to carry the burden yourself and she won't feel out of the loop. Stay on this board & we'll all guide you through the process. 2 years ago, I thought BK was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Now, 1 year after my discharge, it was one of the best things that ever happened in my adult life. Talk about getting my ducks in a row.

Talk to your wife. If you don't have her to work with, the marriage had other issues anyway. Chin up, step forward.

[drowning123]

Wow, Blackgoose, thanks for your honesty. We've all been there, but thanks for putting it all in words. The wound needs time to heal. Your wife will come around. Y'all are still young and have time on your side. There are older folks who are in the same state, but at least you have time to correct everything. I only filed last year at 38 years old. What a relief?! Things can only get better. If your wife truly doesn't want to be with you, then so it shall be, but don't beat yourself up over what is already done. Good luck with everything!

[IHateChase]

Hey BG! So glad you are still here with us. Not so sure about rockstars, just lots a folks who have been and still are right there where you are. Times like this when the Internet is the greatest blessing ever. Although come to think of it there are a few real rockstars going BK lately!

Do you have positive cash flow from the rental? If so you will need to count it towards your income. Why are you renting it out?
Probably the tt will abandon the asset since it's unlikely he'd get anything from it. Remember, he'd have to carry mortgage, taxes, upkeep while it sits on the market, in addition to the realtor commission. But he could hang you up as an asset case for awhile while he hems and haws. When you get a chance, take a look at recent sales in your area- if there are any- or invite an agent to come give you a free quick-sale appraisal. I hear tell round these parts they need to see an extra 10K before they take the house. So you most likely have no worries, but it's nice to CYA.

What will you do if your tenants stop paying? could be it's time to move back into the house when the lease is up?

[IamOld]

My friend call your wife it's time to talk...or frankly it may be time for you to also talk to divorce atty - but it's time to talk - it takes 2 to tango, and she's not 100% innocent of this so to speak. Maybe she needed a bit of time to take a deep breath and process.

:-) Take it from me...don't make any excuses - it is what it is...but CALL HER!!!!!!

BK forum.... What the heck? I had no idea when joining this forum that I would be in the presence of rockstars. Thank you for all of your words and feelings. I made it 24 hours! It's amazing when you have no one to talk to (called crisis line. No joke dude said we don't handle financial crisis only suicide and hung up) what your mind will do. I cried out to my savior for the first time in years. I spent hours on my knees last night. Asking for help and strength.


I realize I'm on day 2 of a huge climb. But, I can and will do it.

My wife asked me to leave last night so for those wondering why I was at a hotel, there ya go. I have not heard from her and I can't control how she chooses to react to this. I'm extremely out of my head sorry for putting her through this.

With that said I CAN CONTROL. What my mind and body does from here. I will choose to not let this define me. I am greater then a bankruptcy. I will get my life back.

Thanks again you guys. Now it's study time.

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives."

[IamOld]

That may be a very optimistic appraisal - in general - from what the forum's experts have said:

a) no because it's less than the exemption

and

b) even it weren't it isn't worth the Trustee's time - to a) sell, pay commission to broker, etc...

So question on the home.

Mortgage is $111,176
Home equity line $27,200
Total $138,376

Our county sent out the appraised value at $147,300

So since I'm renting out my home my exemption is only $5k. In your opinion would they sell my home for the $3,924
They would make if they got $147,300?

A million thanks.

[Blackgoose]

So question on the home.

Mortgage is $111,176
Home equity line $27,200
Total $138,376

Our county sent out the appraised value at $147,300

So since I'm renting out my home my exemption is only $5k. In your opinion would they sell my home for the $3,924
They would make if they got $147,300?

A million thanks.

[Blackgoose]

BK forum.... What the heck? I had no idea when joining this forum that I would be in the presence of rockstars. Thank you for all of your words and feelings. I made it 24 hours! It's amazing when you have no one to talk to (called crisis line. No joke dude said we don't handle financial crisis only suicide and hung up) what your mind will do. I cried out to my savior for the first time in years. I spent hours on my knees last night. Asking for help and strength.


I realize I'm on day 2 of a huge climb. But, I can and will do it.

My wife asked me to leave last night so for those wondering why I was at a hotel, there ya go. I have not heard from her and I can't control how she chooses to react to this. I'm extremely out of my head sorry for putting her through this.

With that said I CAN CONTROL. What my mind and body does from here. I will choose to not let this define me. I am greater then a bankruptcy. I will get my life back.

Thanks again you guys. Now it's study time.

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives."

[AngelinaCatHub]

Hub, there were many factors that caused my DH's spending to be out of control: an angry ex wife, our marriage, the birth of our our children, the cost of our home & the addition we put on it, and then the collapse of the real estate market. Most recently it was a massive paycut. None of the causes were so he could buy "toys", or just throw money away on addictions. Did we both spend more than we should have? Absolutely. Should I maybe have seen what was going on? Absolutely. I had my own distractions (having babies) at the time, but I am not blameless. I am smart enough that I should have questioned our expenditures way before he had to spill his guts.

Thank you again for sharing your personal note. I do understand the preoccupation. The deal is: You most likely saw, but did not perceive as the "alligators' at your butt, takes second preference to your draining the swamp. IAO is right in the fact that I too was so used to just charging it as I could afford to pay off my 30K Master card in one lump check. You get accustom to bad habit and it is hard to break. I refuse any credit card. I use a debit and when the money is gone, the card fails to work.

I keep a "hidden" C note in my wallet for emergency reasons. It does not exist unless something dire happens.

We can all agree, looking back is 20/20 and we see our mistakes NOW, but this is good as long as we LEARN by them. A mistake is forgivable. A repeat is plainly stupid. I will never repeat my errors. We live with less, and love it more.

I sure hope our OP comes back with good news. As IAO stated, "do not give up" it is now a critical marriage miles stone (call it a mill stone if you wish).

Long ago my Mrs. while we were courting (an old fashion term for 'living together') told me, and I practice it daily, "a marriage has to be re-negotiated daily". She is right. 'Hub

[pathfinders]

Blackgoose hang in there

[Justdonewit]

I agree with you IamOld.

Blackgoose, definately go home. Whether she likes it or not, your wife is involved in this, and whatever you do next will effect her just as much as it will you.

[IamOld]

Right - in my humble experience even the spouse not involved in the finances too much at least senses what is going on...in my case, I kept saying we don't have the $$ we don't have the $$, then came up with something by robbing not only Peter and Paul, but Mary as well. In my darker hours I have said that I was basically crying out for help...but I should have said something and I didn't, which is my fault.

BUT like you said, the OP didn't buy a jetski - he was trying to make sure his family had what they needed and wanted. So I think his wife will listen, and eventually forgive - and I say NOT forget, because I do tell my spouse all the time, that I cannot be trusted with credit - I don't want spouse to "forget" as we cannot EVER be in the same is situation again.

BUT BUT BUT he needs to go home - kids need him...wife needs him. Being alone is...horrible in this instance.

Hub, there were many factors that caused my DH's spending to be out of control: an angry ex wife, our marriage, the birth of our our children, the cost of our home & the addition we put on it, and then the collapse of the real estate market. Most recently it was a massive paycut. None of the causes were so he could buy "toys", or just throw money away on addictions. Did we both spend more than we should have? Absolutely. Should I maybe have seen what was going on? Absolutely. I had my own distractions (having babies) at the time, but I am not blameless. I am smart enough that I should have questioned our expenditures way before he had to spill his guts.

[Justdonewit]

Hub, there were many factors that caused my DH's spending to be out of control: an angry ex wife, our marriage, the birth of our our children, the cost of our home & the addition we put on it, and then the collapse of the real estate market. Most recently it was a massive paycut. None of the causes were so he could buy "toys", or just throw money away on addictions. Did we both spend more than we should have? Absolutely. Should I maybe have seen what was going on? Absolutely. I had my own distractions (having babies) at the time, but I am not blameless. I am smart enough that I should have questioned our expenditures way before he had to spill his guts.