Told my wife

[AngelinaCatHub]

ahh HUB what great advice.

AND you are still awake??!!

And still sober, more/less. I must cure this.

[oregonpilot]

ahh HUB what great advice.

and YOU are still awake??!!

[AngelinaCatHub]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

Son, I have two suggestions. You have a laptop, go to youtube and play your childhood music of days long ago. Think of your best times in life. Know that those are always peppered with adversity. Spice brings out the good in things. By itself, it is bitter. This is a bit of bitter spice that will temper your marriage and make it strong. You are not worried about the BK. you are worried about your family. That is the real fact.

In that thought, here is the better of the suggestions. Turn your work alarm on, the air conditioner to cold, lights out, and eyes closed. This after a warm bath, and go to sleep. Blank your mind of all thoughts that you know your Guardian Angel is over you. That is a fact. You are loved and needed. Even by strangers. No pebble falls into a still pond without the effect of many waves of influence.

Time and rest heals. Time you cannot do anything about, but rest, you can. So rest. The time will fix it's self. 'Hub

[mountanddo]

Hang in there. You took the leap and you didn't drown so that's a good thing! I don't think hanging out in a hotel room with only your thoughts and guilt is good for you. I do understand that your wife is angry but she has got to see that asking you to leave isn't going to solve this problem. Even if you did get a divorce she will need to deal with this. It isn't going to go away. Maybe a couple of sessions with a counselor might help her to get some of her anger resolved in a constructive way. As other people have said she had to have some idea that you guys were spending beyond your means. There has got to be some responsibility on her part. You are not the only one at fault though it may feel like it right now. Right now her security has burst. Should of, could of, would of is all hindsight right now. Make a list and start tackleing it one by one.

I have to agree with you about the people on this forum. Good solid advice but no bullshit. We all put ourselves in this situation, with the help of unforeseen circumstances. We all have the ability to get ourselves out and come out on the other side stronger and wiser. The vets on this board certainly prove that. You will too.

[AbbeyA]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

Honestly .... For me, there wasn't any way to clear my mind, until the bk was well past us. I remember wondering when the time would come that when I got up with one of the kids at night, my mind didn't IMMEDIATELY go to the bk nightmare. The panic, fear, worry, uncertainty ... all of the things you are feeling were right there, raw, before I even opened my eyes. It was horrible, I would not wish it upon anyone. It took a long time for me to finally settle my mind about it. I started an anti-depressant and I think that was very helpful. It is not a cure-all, but it did take the edge off a bit. I was able to be with the kids and not yell all the time, I had more patience, I was able to get through the day.

I don't know bg, I really think it's a process that you need to get through. Your mind is going to be consumed by it, but the relief you will feel on the other side will be well worth it. This is a major event in life, this is what can define a person --- let it define you in that you will recover from this and come out on the other end thriving!

[ValleYum]

I went to my doctor and told her we were having financial problems and I was stressing out. She prescribed a mild nerve medication - I think it was Ativan. I took it twice a day - it helped with the crushing pain that I had UNTIL I decided that BK was a business decision due to the economy/housing/job market and an injury I had incurred and it was nothing personal or bad. Then we looked at how many people did it and how much better we would be without the debt crushing us every month. This took like a week or 2.

I did crossword puzzles, took a couple of free Yoga classes (to learn stress relief techniques) and joined POGO to play their free games like POPPIT. I READ this site and made notes of things to cover with my attorney.

I kept BUSY. I cleaned out closets and the garage and had a yard sale. Oh and paperwork... I had the most organized paperwork my particular lawyer had ever seen. I would go over all my paperwork when I had that chest-crush feeling. It made me feel calm knowing I had all the paperwork needed to back up my filing. Take a walk with your kids, dog and/or your wife to relieve stress.

Chin up! Breathe deep....exhale and again... breathe in peace - breathe out stress...

[justbroke]

Sitting in a room, alone, with your thoughts, is probably what's driving you crazy. You are thinking about all the crazy scenarios and "what ifs" and replaying over and over what you could have done differently. You have to get beyond that. Do you have a best friend or relative that you can talk to? A lot of it is just about talking. I'm not a counselor so I can't offer exact advice on this topic, but I do know that your thoughts can be your own worse enemy at a time like this.

Reach out to a friend or family member. It's still early on the West Coast, so you won't be bothering anyone late at night. (And I know you're thinking... I don't want to bother anyone and I don't think that they want to be bothered.)

[Blackgoose]

You guys how did you clear your mind? This is a 24/7 battle. Starting to get the chest stress and headache. What would you guys do to get away in your mind?

[lillymarlene]

BG, Been thinking about you. Just hang in there though. May take awhile, but it does get better. Good luck.

[ValleYum]

Thanks you guys! I'm trying to stay positive. I still have not been back home. She said she needs some time.

So this morning I was crazy upbeat. Right now you guys... I feel like I'm back to not breathing and wanting out. I'm sure this will be a roller coaster feeling for a long time.

Honestly? She is probably a little embarrassed and mad at herself for not seeing the problem. What did you tell her when you moved out of your home in order to rent it? I, personally, would have been crazy curious about that one.

Anyhoo... lots of us are on here - post if you need to and vent!! You are doing all the right things. Have you spoken with your spiritual leader (if you have one)? Sometimes they offer pastoral counseling.

Research Dave Ramsey's - Financial Peace University - *some* of his teachings are helpful; particularly with couples learning to manage money together, IMO. Do bear in mind that even though Mr Ramsey speaks against bankruptcy - he himself filed one. Did you know that there would be no Disneyland without bankruptcy? Walt Disney filed bankruptcy!!

Hang in there, it will be a long and winding road but you have lots of support on the way with all of us who are rooting for you on here.

[daylate]

Just a point about your house-the county appraisal may very well be too high. The fair market value of your house is what is used to determine how much equity you have. Unless your state is different than most, the tax appraisal is probably too high so you may not have as much equity as you thought.

As to the other matter-hang in there-it will get better. Good luck.

[IamOld]

Old chap

Did you call home yet???

[Blackgoose]

Thanks you guys! I'm trying to stay positive. I still have not been back home. She said she needs some time.

So this morning I was crazy upbeat. Right now you guys... I feel like I'm back to not breathing and wanting out. I'm sure this will be a roller coaster feeling for a long time.

[AZNoName]

Blackgoose, my heart goes out to you and your family. I truely hope you can begin rebuilding your family very soon. We're all thinking about you

[justbroke]

We will need to start calling 'Hub... The Godfather. Great words of wisdom my friend. As of right now -- this post -- over 1,230 reads for this thread! People are moved by the human spirit and its desire to move forward.

Blackgoose, you are amongst friends. On this Forum, we truly care not only about how your bankruptcy case is progressing, but the human-side of bankruptcy and the impact on children. People come here everyday asking how to deal with life and family issues, relocating, disrupting routine, and even divorce. I'm really happy that you found the courage and the strength to dig deep and reach out.