Regrets?

[nmocean]

Now the lawyer called me back and said he probably could get the payment reduced from 3120 to 2200-2300 a month now

[nmocean]

I went to the attorney again today about filing. They have come up with a payment of 3120 a month. Most of my salary has overtime on it if I don't get overtime bills can't be paid. they are wanting a 1000.00 a pay which would leave me 16.00 a pay on a straight pay. The overtime is out of control at work and has been with the breakdowns etc. I really don't see it lasting much longer at this pace. I don't know what to do

[bcohen]

I don't regret filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! No way would I have asked my parents--or anyone else in my family--to waste their money paying toward my debts, and I wouldn't have accepted the money even if it was offered. If your parents wish to give you money as a gift, and they can afford to do so, then the smart thing to do would be FIRST file for bankruptcy, THEN once the case is closed, accept the gift and use the money to rebuild going forward. Once you have decided that bankruptcy is an option, paying ANYTHING toward ANY unsecured debt (or any secured debt for property which you wish to give up) is flushing money down a toilet.

[BKAttyMI]

The worst appointments I have as an attorney are those in which people have drained all of their assets, retirement, cars, collectibles, wedding rings in order to make those credit card (or whatever) payments. Now they're in my office because they've run out of things to sell or drain to pay and need to file bankruptcy. A good bankruptcy attorney can run the numbers and tell you if you are, in fact, "bankrupt". Which means your income is not enough to sustain your current bills. Often, I am even able to lower house or car payments via a Chapter 13 bankruptcy to make life easier. I've never had anyone tell me they regret filing. Please don't let your parents drain their assets, that is like throwing money in the trash.

[tobee43]

i certainly do not regret filing. it was by the BEST move we could have made to allow us a fresh clean start. one thing i so agree with everything my learned forum members mentioned above, and that is basically do not throw good money after bad. any help your parents may offer should be used later on down the road.

you need to make decisions that are right for you and you alone. no one else. the stigma related to bk is so way out of proportion it's rather unfair. you will do fine and your future will go well!! best of luck!

[Drazil65]

I think the point with telling people about your bankruptcy is that everyone has a different motivation for telling. You will get opinions and many will be negative. If you tell be prepared for the negative. Also perhaps some people tell in hopes that someone will offer help? IDK, but either way be confident in your decisions BEFORE you get all the negative feedback and be prepared. For us, we are private people and not interested other people's opinions where our personal finances are concerned. Our mistakes, our problem.

I think with Dave Ramsey (who if I am not mistaken filed bankruptcy once at a very young age) the belief is that if you make the mistakes, fix them by working long and hard to pay everything off then live on cash. If it takes 2 or 3 jobs then do it, if you cannot afford to stay in the house then sell it and move into something you can afford etc. I think he is of the school of thought that if you have to work really hard to fix everything you will learn from it. Some people I guess never learn and use bankruptcy to "fix" things whenever they can but turn around and do it all over again.

I think most people learn from it, we did for sure and we do live on cash. My husbands chp 7 was largely due to being laid off and us owning 2 homes, our tenant moved out during this time ( in another state) and we could not afford to pay 2 mortgages. We had to make some difficult decisions and we made them. He filed, we sold our primary home and finally got the other house sold in foreclosure. We filed 2.5 years ago, we rent a beautiful townhome (with pool and tennis court, never had that when we owned...lol) have an emergency fund in the bank, we do not use credit cards (did not have a lot of CC debt when he filed anyway), have a vacation fund, we pay cash for cars (we keep a budget and purchase only what we can afford with cash), life is good. The quality of our life has soared through the roof, so no regrets here BUT we have learned what is important in life (homes are just buildings and cars just need to go from point A to B). If we cannot visit family as often or buy gifts as often oh well, it is what it is, we do other things for people, we both have big families so there will not be a lot of gifts. But there will be invites down to see us if they wish and good old fashion together time that way or when we do get up to see them.

Its all perspective and what is ultimately important to you, but no regrets just live and learn. Good luck!

[AngelinaCat]

I, myself would like to have a FT job. I am only 61, but at my age range, no one is hiring--even though I have experience out the wazoo. I have been passed over for at least 5 good FT jobs, where I am currently working PT! Everyone knows me there; knows my credentials and qualifications, and KNOW that I would gladly give them ten years past my supposed Retirement date, all to no avail. They must have the younger set, that works more cheaply, I guess.

Then, as I look around, and watch what the younger set is doing--I am not impressed. I find that like LITR said so eloquently, I am tired. I do NOT really want a FT job. We ('Hub and I) have a house to rebuild, and our own projects we want to work on.

I actually would like two PT jobs that would dovetail nicely, but that hasn't happened yet. I keep looking though.

I am sorry--this turned into a RANT and I didn't mean it to be; I am just frustrated.

As to Dave Ramsey--keep in mind that he HIMSELF filed Bankruptcy, and enjoyed the benefits of it. Now he is preaching against it??? I am glad when people are able to pull themselves out of their debt on their own. But too many times, there other factors involved, that one may not realize in the long run.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox....

[LadyInTheRed]

Thanks everyone. Here's something I do not get. I've been lurking on the Dave Ramsey forum (just lurking, I do not post there) and everyone there is adamant that filing BK is the worst thing ever and that you'll regret it. They post anecdotal things like "everyone I know who has filed, regrets it." But I read here that most do not regret it.

Generally speaking, do you think that many people really do regret filing? I just don't get why they are so vigorously against BK.

Based on what I see on bkforum, I don't think a lot of people regret filing. What I see most is people regretting spending all their retirement savings and liquidating all of their assets trying to avoid BK, only to have to file anyway. I think you get a more accurate picture of BK regret from this forum where people are answering from their experiences instead of from fear of what they have learned they should avoid at all costs.

If somebody says that everybody they know who filed BK regrets it, ask how many people they know who filed and why they regretted it.

Perhaps they got out of BK and immediately tried to get credit, but couldn't. Instead of focusing on budgeting so they don't need credit, they are focused on their credit score because they think they must have credit cards. Everyone should know that their BK will be on their credit report for 10 years after filing a Chap 7 and 7 years after filing a Chap 13. They should also know that some creditors who they discharge debt with will never lend to them again. If they can't accept those consequences, they shouldn't file. There is probably another smaller group of people who regret it because they really could have paid off their debt if they just tightened their belt and budgeted to live within their means. They saw BK as the easy way out and took it. I bet that is more rare after BAPCPA.

If you really need to file bk and go in knowing the consequences, there should be no reason to regret it.

Somebody not willing to accept the consequences of BK can try following Dave Ramsey's advice. But, first they should read: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/finan...n-dave-ramsey/ Maybe Suze Orman's advice is better: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/dave-...debts-is-best/

For either Ramsey's or Orman's plans to work, you have to have income that exceeds your expenses. They may tell you to get a 2nd and 3rd job to pay off your debt. Instead of a few months in Chap 7 or 5 years or less in Chap 13, you can work your behind off trying to pay off your debt at high interest rates for as long as it takes. So, you get up in the morning, go to work, go to work again and maybe again and go to sleep. Not much of a life. And the stress of working more than a full time job is not healthy

I'm not willing to work more than one full time job. If I had to take a second job, I would not do it well. I simply don't have that kind of energy. If I hadn't filed BK, I would be paying off debt for the rest of my life and probably would have lost my home. Instead, in another year, I will be debt free except for my mortgage. By the time I retire in about 20 years I will have my mortgage paid off and a decent 401k. Between now and then, I will be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors instead of working to pay the banks far more than I borrowed in the first place.

I think the people on the Ramsey board are so against BK because they drank the Ramsey Kool Aid. But, even Dave Ramsey admits that sometimes BK is the only option. http://www.daveramsey.com/article/th...ut-bankruptcy/

Bankruptcy is not the right solution for every debt problem, but when it is the only reasonable option, it should not be avoided out of fear.

[lillymarlene]

Hi Dancer. I certainly do not regret filing, like others have said, this is one of the best things I've ever done. Chapter 13 is harsh, but it does teach you to live within your means and try to be grateful for what you have. It is so nice to have broken away from the chains of debt.

I think that banks especially like people to be afraid of bankruptcy, because that is one of their greatest methods of control.

[Dancer]

Thanks everyone. Here's something I do not get. I've been lurking on the Dave Ramsey forum (just lurking, I do not post there) and everyone there is adamant that filing BK is the worst thing ever and that you'll regret it. They post anecdotal things like "everyone I know who has filed, regrets it." But I read here that most do not regret it.

Generally speaking, do you think that many people really do regret filing? I just don't get why they are so vigorously against BK.

[pamkev]

For us it was the best thing we ever done.

Your parents need to save there money. I like the idea of down the run they are willing to help with a down payment that would b e great.

[TXskyblue]

BK has a stigma. My parents would be horrified to learn I filed bankruptcy. I think it's a generational thing.

Still, let others deal with their own prejudices and do what is best for you. Bankruptcy seems ideal in your husband's case.

[spidge]

Sometimes I feel like I am bringing the family down because they will not give gifts if we cannot. We mostly do BBQ's because of the BK13 too. I always try to thank them all and when they ask how we are doing I simply say we are focused on the finish. I must admit that we are getting tired of it, but a simple reminder from one another helps. We are working on saving our older home that was worth 1/3rd the balance, but now is almost even with the extra from the BK and a modification.

It is rough, I hate it, she hates it, the kids hate it, but we all know in the end we may just end up in stellar shape for the future.

Just keep fighting.

[AngelinaCat]

As far a family is concerned, I wanted them to know about my Chap 13 so they'd know why I wouldn't be visiting is often and why my gift giving would be a bit different than in the past. Not an issue in a Chap 7, but it is still a significant event that many share with their family.

Actually, this can be a large factor in CH7 filing as well. Although we had already scaled back our gifts, cards, and everything else, we were (and still are) trying to learn to live within our means. 'Hub has a paltry pension at 430 a month, SS at @ 1400, a month. I am the one still working, PT at a college. My hours have been cut for the Summer, so I am literally picking up cans off the side of the road to turn in to the scrappers for a few dollars.

Our family knows NOT to come knocking on our doors, because "there ain't no money!" They also know that there is no money for 'perks'.

[LadyInTheRed]

Not sure why you said anything to them in the first place but it is really no one else's business and no one will probably know unless you choose to tell them.

I told lots of people about my bankruptcy when I was about to file. A friend would ask what was new and the BK was the first thing to come to mind because it was a huge event in my life. I had just learned that I could resolve my unsecured debt problem and get rid of my 2nd mortgage. It was a significant event. I wasn't ashamed and a lot of people were very interested to learn about BK and how it might help them. It was rare for somebody to say "TMI", but when they did, we moved on to another topic. As far a family is concerned, I wanted them to know about my Chap 13 so they'd know why I wouldn't be visiting is often and why my gift giving would be a bit different than in the past. Not an issue in a Chap 7, but it is still a significant event that many share with their family.